FACING YOUR DEMONS! 

—by Rebecca Witherspoon, October 17, 2021

”Lessons learned are like bridges burned, you only need to cross them but once. Is the knowledge gained worth the price of the pain? Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?” —Dan Fogelberg, Lessons Learned

Finding Purpose & Financial IQ – Part 1

You begin to gasp for air. Your tongue grows numb. You begin to sweat. You begin to tremble and shake. You begin to see either black or red in your periphery vision, and you become tunnel visioned. Your thoughts are paralyzed—you can neither tell your feet to move nor form a cogent thought. You feel like your chest is about to explode. Your body goes into fight or flight drive and you have no control over its response to the situation at hand. The one and only thought that races through your mind is ESCAPE! I must escape. 

F.E.A.R. is false evidence appearing real. It also can either be “forget everything and run” or “face everything and rise”!

We ALL have our own demons that we fight. Our own self doubts. Our own feelings of inadequacy and failure. Sometimes our demons succeed in changing us into a person we do not always recognize. Thankfully, those times don’t have to last long, but when they do occur they are painful for us to experience and for others around us to watch.

I don’t know about you, but for decades I lived in utter fear. Fear of failure (aka making a wrong decision), fear of being hurt (aka not understanding I had a choice to walk away from abuse), fear of losing everything (aka not being worthy of success), fear of heights (aka fear of falling), and fear of loneliness, not being liked, not being loved (aka not liking myself or my own company). There were other fears wrapped around my tangled ball of fear, but those were the ones that I allowed to dictate everything in my life. Notice that I said allowed! 

It took my mother, with whom I had an up and down relationship throughout my teenage and young adult life, to share with me a truth that literally changed the trajectory of my life. What is that truth you may ask?

All too often people do not realize that they have the power to CHOOSE to either allow fear to dictate (aka control) their lives OR they can CHOOSE to take personal responsibility over their response to fear. You see, no one can control another person. No matter how much you have been told, no one has the power to make you do something you do not wish or choose to do. No threat, no coercion, no manipulation, no anything can force you to do that which you do not choose to do. The same goes with what you think and believe. You, and only you, are the only one who has the power to choose what you will do, how you will think, what you will believe, and how you will respond to the fears in your life.

But Becky, I’m scared! I don’t know if I’m strong enough to overcome my fears! I don’t know how to overcome my fears. It’s just the way I am and nothing will ever change me. I’m not smart enough to change. It’s just too hard to change. I don’t even know where to begin to change. Changing is scarier than staying where I am, at least I know what to expect. Do any of those rationalizations (aka excuses) sound familiar? what excuses have you been saying over and over in your head?

Again, I hear you. I’ve been there. I’ve used all the rationalizations and I chose to continue to live in fear for decades. Yes, you heard me correctly. I CHOSE to live in fear for decades because to me it was easier and less scary than the thought of trying to overcome something I’d grown accustomed to. I was comfortable in my fear. It was a part of my very being. The drama and crises were a part of my everyday life and, while painful to experience, the mere thought of change terrified me even more.

Then my mother told me the truth at a moment in my life when the fear of change was a little less painful to me than the fear of not changing. I was finally open to hearing alternative paths to the one I was living at the time. Until that very moment in time I did not know that I even had a choice, that I could choose which path I walked, that I could choose how I responded to each and every thing that happened in my life, whether it was of my own doing or the result of someone else’s doing. 

Most people know what to do, they’ve certainly heard it time and again, but few people actually do what they know. It’s not enough to just know, one must take action on the knowledge they acquire if they want that knowledge to be effective in their life. Today, you are learning some truths about fear and how to overcome fear. What you choose to do with that knowledge will determine if (1) you continue along the same path you’re currently on, or (2) forge a new but scary and exciting path that just might take you to a destination you’ve only dreamed of.

So let’s delve into how to begin your own journey of self discovery and overcoming your own demons and fears. It all comes down to becoming the master of YOU!

According to Anthony Robbins in his book Awaken The Giant Within, which I highly recommend, there are five areas in our life that we must master if we ever want to reach the summit of our life’s goals and purpose.

  1. Emotional mastery
  2. Physical mastery
  3. Relationship mastery
  4. Financial mastery
  5. Time mastery

Some questions you might want to ask yourself include:

  1. Am I now where I thought I would be back when I first graduated high school? 
  2. Am I now where I thought I would be back when I graduated college? (if not applicable to you, skip this question)
  3. Am I now where I thought I would be 10 years ago?
  4. Am I now where I thought I would be this time last year?
  5. Where do I even want to be this time next year?
    1. 5 years from now? 
    2. 10 years from now?
    3. 15 years from now?
    4. 20 years from now?
    5. When I retire?
  6. What do I want my retirement to look like?
  7. What am I willing to do to reach my goals/vision?
  8. What am I willing to sacrifice in order to reach my goals/vision?
    1. Temporarily?
    2. Permanently?
  9. What am I NOT willing to sacrifice, even temporarily, to reach my goals/vision?
  10. What new/different result am I seeking?

In order to obtain new or different results requires new and different actions! I’m sure you’ve heard the definition of insanity—doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Not happening!

It’s not what we do once that makes a difference, but rather what we consistently do over time that creates change—whether positive or negative. Consistently do negative actions repeatedly, your results will be negative. Consistently do positive actions repeatedly, and eventually your results will be positive.

Thoughts and decisions precede action … every … single … time … without … fail!

Actions precede results … every … single … time … without … fail!

Results are the product of action … every … single … time … without … fail!

If you don’t like the results you’re getting then change the input aka your actions. If you’re not sure what action preceded an undesired result, then work your way backward to find where and when things began to go wrong. 

Remember though that just because a decision produced an undesired result, doesn’t necessarily mean that decision (aka choice) was a bad one. It just means that it was the wrong one for the desired result you are seeking. Don’t be afraid to change a decision/choice if the desired result is not being achieved.

Remember also, that a decision/choice is not necessarily your WHY for doing something. In an earlier blog, I talked specifically about finding your why. I encourage you to visit/revisit that blog post at this time to remind yourself of exactly why your WHY is so important. It can be found here: https://musingsbyrebecca.com/2021/10/11/developing-a-winning-mindset-episode-6-tool-4-whats-your-why/. Your WHY is your top-level decision, catalyst, fuel, belief that ultimately is the foundation upon which you make all other decisions/choices. Evaluate your results all along your journey to determine if they are moving you toward your desired goal or away. If you are not moving toward your desired goal, then re-evaluate the decisions/choices that you are making to determine which ones need to be adjusted. 

The questions I suggested above to you ask yourself will help you begin to focus your mind on positive choices. It will help you take your mind off your fear and place it squarely on the road to enlightenment and mastery. Don’t allow fear to paralyze you simply because you don’t yet know exactly how to turn your dreams into reality. The how will reveal itself as you begin to master your emotions, physical body, relationships, finances, and time.

F.E.A.R. is overcome by D.A.T.A.:

  1. DECIDE what you want, and what your why is.
  2. Take ACTION.
  3. TRACK and pay attention to your results to determine what is working and what is not working.
  4. Continue to ADJUST your actions until you find what works.

Wishing and deciding are two completely different things. “I wish I could lose 25 pounds” gets you nowhere. “I will lose 25 pounds by Christmas” allows your mind to begin to determine the necessary steps (choices) required to achieve the desired goal.

Three Decisions That Control Your Destiny

  1. What you decide to focus on;
  2. What you decide things mean to you (aka your beliefs); and
  3. What you decide to do to create the results you desire.

Success is the result of good judgment. Good judgment is the result of experience. Experience is often the result of bad judgment. Learn from your mistakes so you can use that experience to help you make better decisions that will in turn lead you to the goal you are seeking. When you make decisions/choices that are directly linked to your WHY then you must be so committed to your goal that you leave absolutely no/zero option for failure. You will keep adjusting your decisions/choices until you achieve your desired goal!

Final question to ask yourself — what will it cost you if you choose not to make changes necessary to reach your desired goal(s)? Is the cost worth the price?

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com. 

NOTHING EVER CHANGES, RIGHT?

—by Rebecca Witherspoon, October 16, 2021

“Based on a study performed by the Department of Health, Education and Welfare, of every one hundred people at age sixty-five, one is rich, four are comfortable, five are still working, fifty-six are needing government support or family support, and the rest are dead.”
—Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Kid, Smart Kid

It’s those 56 who need government or family support that I will be focusing on the most in this next series. Those who are already gone are beyond help. The four who are comfortable probably do not want help. And the one who has already achieved a certain level of wealth does not need help.

Series Title: Finding Purpose & Financial IQ

Have you ever felt like you work hard, sometimes harder than everyone else,  and yet you never seem to be able to get ahead? Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, nothing will ever change for you? Have you ever felt like everything you do is a waste of time and effort? Have you ever felt like you have no purpose for even existing? have you ever felt like it’s not even worth trying?

I can relate! I’ve been there, done that! I’ve had those feelings of failure, inadequacy, and hopelessness. I’m here to tell you there IS hope. You DO have a future and a purpose no matter how far along life’s journey you are. You CAN realize your full potential. And your time on this big ball in space we call Earth and home does having both meaning and a purpose. 

It’s time you discover your purpose, your meaning, and your focus.

The focus of this series will be to help you find your purpose and raise your financial IQ. I will be sharing some practical tools, education, and advice from a variety of experts on how to:

  1. Find your life’s purpose, meaning, and focus;
  2. Create a stable foundation at an early (or late) age upon which to build your future;
  3. Dig yourself out of traps (emotional and/or financial) you may find yourself in; and
  4. Develop the perspective, focus, and habits that will help lead you along a path of prosperity and fulfillment.

Not everyone has the same definition of prosperity and fulfillment. I’m not here to tell you what you must do or think. I’m here to help you discover, or rediscover, whatever it is that will give your life meaning and help you achieve whatever level of prosperity is needed and/or desired to achieve your life’s purpose.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”

Stay tuned for upcoming episodes. I’m not sure how many episodes this series will include, but each will have a very specific focus. 

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com. 

Developing a Winning Mindset Episode 7: Wrapping it Up and Next Steps 

—By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 25, 2019

“You do what you are.”

—Alex Cross, Along Came A Spider

We’ve all heard the saying “you are what you do,” but why should we allow “what” we do dictate “who” we are? This series has been all about developing a winning mindset so that we can once and for all take full control of our lives and achieve whatever we want to achieve. Many of us have felt at one time or another that we were not in control of our own lives. This a very sad and scary state to be in. I know that for years, decades even, I felt as though I had no choices, no ability to say “no,” and no opportunity to achieve anything above a life of mediocrity. Other than the fact that my DNA would live on through my offspring, I felt as though I would come to the end of my life with many regrets and almost nothing to even indicate I’d ever even existed. 

You never know what will be the spark to fuel a transformation of a life. For me the process of change in my thought processes began in the most unlikely of ways, the simple act of beginning to read food labels. And that one act created a chain reaction that evolved into who I am today. One action, one thought, can completely change the trajectory of your life. One act, one thought, can enable you to eventually become the person who is ready to achieve all they desire to achieve. 

We began this series 7 episodes ago with me describing how to identify a bankrupt mind that is in survival mode. A mind whose only focus is reacting to whatever is thrown at it in a desperate attempt to survive with as little pain or fear as possible. The result? A life that is forever stagnant or spiraling downward, in chaos, filled with pain and fear—the very things we try to avoid.

Then we talked about the 10 foundational principles that are necessary to develop a winning mindset including

  1. Unwavering Desire;
  2. Unwavering Faith;
  3. Visualization;
  4. Specialized Knowledge;
  5. Imagination;
  6. Organized Planning;
  7. Decisions;
  8. Mentorship and Coaching;
  9. Subconscious Mind and Affirmations; and 
  10. Outwitting Fear.

We also talked about 4 very specific tools you could implement to assist you in beginning the process of developing a winning mindset, including

  1. Reading to improve your mind and expand your knowledge;
  2. Dreaming, visualizing, setting goals, taking action, and affirmations;
  3. Taking responsibility and developing discipline; and
  4. Finding your WHY.

And lastly, you were assigned various action steps to assist you in implementing those tools, including:

  1. Writing about what you want, which was directly related to dreaming and visualization so you have a target at which to aim;
  2. Writing about why you want whatever it is you want, which is directly related to finding the why that will sustain you through the bumpy ride along your journey to what you want;
  3. Learning how to identify the steps needed to reach your desired end goal, which is directly related to goal setting; and
  4. Learning how to develop affirmations which will remind you daily what it is you want, when you want it, and why you want it.

One of those exercises even had the extra benefit of beginning to develop discipline and a generous heart into your life—remember the exercise related to coins? 

Yesterday I asked you to be honest with yourself and to answer the question whether you had completed or even begun any of the assigned exercises. Some of you did, some of you did not. I’m not here to judge anyone. Either you are ready to to take 100% control of your life or not … yet. And that’s okay. As the late, great Jim Rohn used to say, “If you really want to do something, you WILL find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” But remember also what Robin Sharma says, “Whatever you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.” Ask yourself what it is that you typically focus on. Are you focusing on whatever drops into your mind, the problems that come along every day, the anger at being wronged in some way, what you don’t have or can’t afford, or how far you still have to go? Or are you purposely focusing on whatever it is you do want, the steps that are required to get what you want, and how far you’ve already come to getting what you want? Both are valid ways of thinking, but they typically have dramatically different outcomes. The former typically results in more of what you don’t want, while the latter typically results is more of what you do want. If you don’t like the results that you are currently experiencing, then what have you got to lose by changing your mind, changing your thinking, and changing your focus.

It was a very full 7 episodes. Lots of food for thought and lots of decisions to make about your own life. I don’t know where you are right now in your personal journey—you haven’t started quite yet; or maybe you’re not even sure you want to start; or maybe you’re just beginning your journey and not quite sure how fast or slow you should go out of fear you’ll make a wrong turn along the way; or maybe you’re quite a ways down your road and you’ve made some great progress but you’re feeling a bit stuck at the moment and need to get recharged and refocused. 

Where ever you are at this moment in time, here’s some suggestions for your next steps.

  1. If you have ‘t already done so, complete all the exercises I assigned throughout his series.
  2. Once you’ve completed the exercises, let’s talk. Let’s have a conversation about what you learned from the exercises and figure out a plan of action for you moving forward.
  3. Based on what it is you want to achieve, I may be able to coach you. 

       —Want to lose weight, gain weight, get toned or in better shape? I can help you.

       —Want to start your own business to make an extra $500 or $1000, or more, every month? I can help you.

No matter what life looks like for you right now, your greatness is just on the other side of whatever fear you are hanging on to. Make a choice, a decision, right now to once and for all throw off the chains that are holding you tied down. 

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com. 

Developing a Winning Mindset Episode 6: Tool #4–What’s your WHY? 

—By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 24, 2019

“What you do is supposed to serve as the tangible proof of what you believe …”

—Simon Sinek, “Start With Why”

“For every bad decision, for every bad outcome, for every negative result that has happened in your life there is one common denominator—YOU! YOU were present for every bad choice made in your life.”

—Lou Garcia

“Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.” 

—Anthony Robbins, “Awaken the Giant Within”

Okay, time to be 100% honest. Have you done or begun to do ANY of the exercises I assigned during this 7-day series? If not, I want you to ask yourself, “Am I ready to do ANYTHING necessary to achieve my dreams?” If you have not at least begun to do the exercises I’ve assigned then you either do not yet want to achieve your dreams, you haven’t clearly identified your dreams, or you don’t have a strong enough WHY for taking the necessary actions to achieve your dreams. So then the question is which one of those reasons is the truth in your specific case?

This episode is going to go directly to the heart of WHY it’s so important to develop a winning mindset, why you are even watching this series of live videos, why you want to do whatever it is you want to do, and why you haven’t already done it. I touched briefly on today’s topic in my previous videos. Today we will delve deeper into it.

“Why are some people and organizations more innovative, more influential, and more profitable than others? Why do some command greater loyalty from customers and employees alike? Even among the successful, why are so few able to repeat their success over and over?” Simple answer is that those who succeed in achieving their goals are those who know exactly what they want and have an incredibly strong why (aka reason or purpose) for achieving those goals.

Examples of highly successful people and companies who knew exactly what they wanted to accomplish and had a very strong WHY include

  1. The Wright brothers
  2. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak
  3. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
  4. Harley-Davidson
  5. Henry Ford
  6. Walt Disney
  7. Elon Musk
  8. And many, many more!

Most things we do throughout our life we do with virtually no thought given to why we are doing them. If something isn’t all that important to us then we typically choose not to go out of our way for it. But, if something is perceived to be of great value to us, then somehow we find a way to get it no matter what obstacles stand in our way. Think of the toddler who has yet to fully master walking and yet finds a way to move across a room to obtain that toy they so desperately want, all the while navigating obstacle after obstacle in their way. Another example might be, have you ever tried to get your child to clean their room and it’s like trying to get a sloth to win a race? Ain’t gonna happen. Tell them they aren’t going to be able to get that new video game, or won’t be able to do something they really want to do, and voila, it’s like magic. The room is suddenly spotless. When we have a strong enough why, we find a way. When we don’t have a strong enough why, we find an excuse why not.

Do you remember talking with a young child and asking them to do something and they start asking why to virtually every response you give them? That kid-tested and kid-abused question, why? Why? WHY? is actually a pretty powerful question to ask. Answering that question can help you discover that you don’t even know why you bought a particular thing, or watched a particular thing, or ate a particular thing, or are doing a particular thing. In fact, you may find that you don’t have any clear reasons for many of things that you do in your life. In other words, you’re essentially floating through life reacting to everything that comes your way rather than proactively choosing what happens in your life. Life controls you rather than you control your life. I don’t know about you, but I got tired a long time ago with not having control of my life. 

If you have no clear answer to the question why, then it’s probably time to stop and take a hard look at why you don’t know why! I know that’s a silly sounding statement but I wanted it to really stick out in your mind so you wouldn’t forget it.

What stops you from starting that new business you’ve wanted for years? Why do you keep putting off losing that extra weight? Why haven’t you taken control of your financial investment portfolio? Why can’t you get yourself to do the things you know you need to do to create the life you’ve dreamed of having? You feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and even angry with yourself because you already know what you need to do, but you just can’t seem to get yourself to take the actual action necessary. This begins a cycle of self doubt, depression, and a sense of feeling unworthy, or any number of other very negative and self-destructive emotions.

As Tony Robbins says in his book Awaken the Giant Within, “Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.” Most people who want to accomplish things in life but take little, if any, action to achieve their dreams have decided that it’s more painful to try to achieve the dream than it would be pleasurable to have the dream. As a result, they never go for their dream. What kind of pain might be holding them back? Fear of failure. Fear of looking like a fool. Fear of not being good enough. The pain of having to give something up. Fear of rejection. The list goes on. For most people, their fear of loss is much greater than their desire for gain. 

So with these daunting and bleak truths, how do we overcome our natural tendency to avoid pain so that we can achieve our dreams? It’s a simple answer, but not necessarily easily implemented. 

So I asked you near the beginning of tonight’s episode to be honest and answer the question if you had completed or even begun any of the 4 previous exercises I assigned you in previous episodes of this series. I’m going to assume that many of you either have not completed or not even begun them, although I do know of a few of you who have indicated to me that you have. All four of the exercises actually lead into tonight’s tool, finding your WHY. Each of the previous exercises is a piece of the puzzle that helps to reveal why you want to do whatever it is you are wanting to do. Maybe you want to start a new business. Maybe you already have a business but you feel stuck and are at a loss for how to kick yourself and your business into higher gear. Maybe you have tried multiple things to try to lose weight and nothing seems to work for you and you’re frustrated and wondering why even try. 

I don’t know what it is you are specifically wanting to accomplish, but I do know this. Becoming crystal clear about what you want to do is absolutely necessary, because without a clear end goal, you have no target at which to aim. As, if not more, important is WHY you want to do whatever it is you want to do. If it’s less painful in your mind to sit back and do nothing than it is to achieve your desired end goal, then you will never reach your goal. On the other hand, if you ever want to achieve your end goal, then your why must become so powerful that it becomes more painful to sit back and do nothing than it is to do the things you know you need to do to achieve your goal.

Everyone is different and everyone’s why is going to be unique to them. If you are married and your spouse is wanting the same goal as you, chances are extremely high that their why will be different than your why. Same goal, different whys for wanting the same goal. They say that desperation is a strong motivator (aka why) for becoming successful in a new business. They also say, and I can definitely attest to this one, that comfort breeds complacency and a lack of urgency to achieve a desired goal.

I don’t know what your situation is, what your end goal is, or why you want that end goal, but I do know this. If … you … ever … want … to … reach … that … end … goal, then … you … must … have … a … very … clear … and … very … powerful … why … for … going … for … it. Otherwise, you will have nothing to sustain you when you come up against obstacles along your path. You will run out of fuel halfway to the target. You will become distracted by life which will knock you off your path. If you want to be able to push through the hard times that will come as you journey toward your goal, you must discover your true WHY for even starting the journey. 

So how do you discover what your why is? DO the exercises I previously assigned you. And that’s my action step for you tonight. I want you to decide once and for all that you are worth sacrificing a little bit of your time to sit down and discover

*What you want (dreams and vision);

*Why you want it (what’s your why);

*What steps you will need to take to get what you want (setting goals); and then

*Remind yourself daily what you want, when you want it, and why you want it (affirmations)

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com. 

Developing a Winning Mindset Episode 5: Tool #3–Discipline and Taking Responsibility

—By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 23, 2019

“Character is a quality that embodies many important traits, such as integrity, courage, perseverance, confidence and wisdom. Unlike your fingerprints that you are born with and can’t change, character is something you create within yourself and must take responsibility for changing.”

—Jim Rohn

“Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.”

—Jim Rohn

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”

—Jim Rohn

“Self-confidence is the key to transformation, and transformation begins with KEEPING THE PROMISES YOU MAKE TO YOURSELF!”

—Ed Mylett

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

—Author unknown

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

—Jim Rohn

This episode is all about self discipline and taking responsibility. I know scary and dreadful words! But it’s going to be just fine. If you haven’t already done so, read all of the quotes above before you begin this episode. They all lead us into the topic of today’s episode. Warning: today’s episode will either move you a little closer to transforming your mind, or it may cause you to get really pissed off at me and even make you want to shut off the video. … I’m actually kidding. Kind of.

All kidding aside, I do encourage you to read, watch, or listen to this entire episode multiple times with an open mind. The particular tool that I will be sharing with you is absolutely, 100% required for you to ultimately achieve a total transformation of your mindset and to once and for all finally be able to achieve all that you want to achieve in your life. 

To the best of my knowledge there has never been a single person who has risen from rags to riches by complaining, protesting, clamoring for the government to pick the pockets of someone else and put it into theirs even though they haven’t done anything. While we need to have a humane system in place in our society to help those who truly cannot help themselves and need our help, our society owes absolutely nothing to those who are able and yet refuse to work, or refuse to do their part to help themselves. So my warning above actually comes in at this point. Some folks may get a bit pissed at me saying that. But, regardless of how that statement made you feel, it is a universal truth. 

If you are in the habit of looking outside of yourself for the reasons why you haven’t achieved something you want, or for the reasons why you may have failed at something—for example, if you find yourself saying things like “the system failed me,” or “if they had only done …,” or “they forced me to do …,”—then you are in a state of denial and you are refusing to take responsibility for your own life. You may not even realize it, but subconsciously you are essentially acting as though the world owes you something, as though it owes you success without you having to do the hard work necessary to achieve that success.

It’s that kind of stinkin’ thinking mindset where this series comes in. I understand what I just said can sound harsh. But, it is truth. I’m not here to sugarcoat reality for you in order to get you to like me or to simply make you feel good. I’m here to help you interrupt your old ways of thinking, which have kept you stuck where you are right now, so that you can move from where you are or where you’ve been to where you actually want to be. I’m here to help you interrupt your habit of doing and/or thinking the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. If you keep inputting the same thing, you will keep getting the same output. Change the input, change the output!

Ultimately, whether you succeed or fail to achieve whatever it is you want to achieve is your responsibility alone. It’s not your parents’ responsibility. It’s not your spouse’ s responsibility. It’s not your friends’ responsibility. It’s not your boss’s responsibility. It’s 100% YOUR responsibility. No one can force you to take the actions that are required for you to achieve what you want to achieve.

Now that we’ve gotten all the icky, yucky, tough love stuff out of the way, let’s start looking at some very practical and very specific things you can do to ensure that you have the best opportunity to achieve your desired goals.

  1. “Becoming” ALWAYS precedes “getting.” Until you “become” more than you are right now in areas like attitude, discipline, character, work ethic, and knowledge, you are unlikely to get more than you already have right at this very moment. If you do get more, it’s usually because someone else has simply given it to you. Without becoming more, you rarely get to keep what was given to you for long, and if you do lose it you won’t have the necessary skills to replace what you lost. Example: someone wins millions of dollars in the lottery. Many folks who win the lottery end up in bankruptcy only a short time later because they did not first “become” the person that they needed to be in order to keep ahold of what they won. 
  2. Your attitude is a choice. Nobody forces you to have the attitude you have. While you cannot always choose what happens to you, you do have the power to choose how you respond. The quality of your response will greatly determine the quality of your life. No one and nothing can change your attitude without your consent. Your attitude is ALWAYS 100% your choice.
  3. Self discipline is a choice. No one is naturally self disciplined. Self discipline is developed over time once you get clear about what it is you really want. When you decide to pay the price necessary to get what you want and you resolve to give up what ever is hindering you from on your quest. If you are not self disciplined, it’s not genetic, it’s not your parents’ fault. Rather, it’s because you have chosen, consciously or subconsciously, to go through life seeking prizes without paying the price.
  4. Personal growth is a choice. It is not automatic. It does not come naturally just because you grow older. Just because you grow older doesn’t automatically mean you grow smarter. Personal growth must be intentional. You must choose to read the books that will help you grow, attend the seminars, to learn to assimilate success principles, to study the lives of successful people that you admire, and to decide how to apply what it is you have learned in your own life. If you’re not growing  then it’s because you’ve made the decision, consciously or subconsciously, not to pursue growth.
  5. Character is a choice. Your character is determined by the moral qualities you have decided (aka chosen) to embrace and live out in your own life. If you lack a strong character, then you have no one to blame but yourself. It’s not your parents’ fault, your siblings’ fault, your friends’ fault, your teachers’ fault, the government’s fault, the economy’s fault, your boss’s fault. It’s your fault and no one else’s.ultimately, you get to choose what’s important to you and what’s not. Your character will develop or not in accordance with your convictions.

So, with all that said, what are some of the things you can actually do take responsibility for your life right now?

  1. Stop blaming others! Just stop blaming others for whatever it is that you don’t like about your life.
  2. Stop making excuses! Figure out why something is the way it is and fix it if it needs fixing.
  3. Learn to love yourself. I admit this was a hard one for me. Learn to enjoy your own company! If you don’t like your thoughts, then change them so that you enjoy your own thoughts. Did you know you have the power to change your own thoughts?
  4. Take a look at your typical day. What does it look like? Are you sleeping enough and is it restful? Are you eating healthy and giving your body the necessary nutrients it needs to be healthy and strong? Or are you stuffing your body full of things that are less than optimal for your health? Are you exercising regularly or are you a couch potato? Are you giving yourself some time each day to reflect, meditate, and make plans? Are you giving yourself time each day to commune with the spiritual side of yourself, whatever that may be? Are you complaining all the time, or are you being thankful? Are you taking some time to just enjoy life, doing something just because it’s fun? Are you surrounded by negative and toxic people, or are you surrounded by positive, uplifting, and encouraging people? 
  5. Negative emotions are a natural part of your life. You cannot eliminate them all. But you can choose not to dwell and wallow in those negative emotions. Deal with them and move on. If you don’t, then these negative emotions will become the focus of your life, will stop your forward progress, and will dictate and control your life. Until you become willing to deal with the root cause of whatever is causing the negative feelings, you will not achieve your desired goals. You will be stopped dead in your tracks. If you cannot do this on your own then seek help to work through those feelings. 
  6. Stop chasing happiness outside of yourself. Learn to become happy no matter what your circumstances. Until you can reach this level of happiness, nothing you ever achieve and no material wealth you obtain will ever be enough. When you find peace in whatever circumstance you find yourself in, that’s when life will dramatically change. It doesn’t mean you just sit and let life and circumstances be whatever they are, it just means that no matter what circumstance you find yourself in you chose to be happy and at peace.
  7. Become a person of integrity and do what you say you will do! Keep your promises, especially the ones you make to yourself. Unfortunately, it’s the ones we make to ourselves that we find ourself most often breaking. 
  8. Stop complaining! If you don’t like something, change it!
  9. Focus on taking action. If you don’t take action then nothing will ever change!
  10. Hang out with people who don’t bring you down! If some of them are folks you cannot just cut all ties with, then you may want to consider limiting contact with them. At  the very least off set their negative influence by surrounding yourself with as many other positive people as you can.

ACTION STEP:

First, have you completed any of the action steps in the previous episodes of this series? If not, go back and take some time to complete those.

Today’s action step is a bit different. It involves so,etching that is typically near and dear to people’s hearts. Money! Yikes!

Gather together the following items:

  1. Go to the bank or grocery store and get four rolls of coins—either pennies, nick;es, dimes, or quarters—so that you have so,where between 200 to 400 coins. The larger the denomination, the better.
  2. Get some type of clear jar that is big enough to hold all the coins, but don’t put the coins in there yet.
  3. Take a pocket sized flip note pad and a pencil or pen.

Now that you have the necessary tools for this action step, here’s what you will do.

As you go throughout the next 7 days, make a mark in your note pad every single time you do any of the following things:

  1. Complain
  2. Blame
  3. Make an excuse or justify your actions
  4. Break a promise you have made either to someone else or to yourself

At the end of each day, tabulate and write down the number of marks at the bottom of each page at the end of each day. Whatever number of marks you made for that day, place that number of coins in the jar. Keep that jar in a prominent place in your home where you can see it at virtually all times.

Repeat these actions every day, starting with a new page in your note pad each day. If you find you need to get more coins at some pin t during the week, that’s okay. Just go get more. 

At the end of the 7 days, tabulate the total number of marks from the week using each day’s total. Look at that totals for each day. Look to see if you had an increase or decrease on any given day, or as the week went by was there am increase or decrease, or did your numbers stay pretty steady throughout the week? Think back and ask yourself, were you honest with yourself? Did your mark all the times you did the four things above? If you did not mark all the times, then I want you to take 2 coins for each time you failed to make your mark and place them in the jar.

Once you’ve completed the week, you are going to take those coins to a bank and get them changed into bills. The take that money and you are going to do a random act of kindness for a complete stranger. It must be a stranger. For example, pay for the order of the car behind you in the drive-thru line. Or buy a gift card and give it to a homeless person. Or make a donation to your local food bank or shelter for domestic violence, or some other worthy charity that helps folks in need. It must be a random act of kindness for a complete stranger.

PURPOSE OF EXERCISE: 

  1. It will help you become aware of what’s coming out of your mouth and whether or not you are acting with integrity or being a negative/toxic person. For some folks, this is going to be very eye opening. For others it will confirm what you probably already know. And for others, it might be a pleasant surprise. No matter the outcome, it will help to identify those areas where you need to improve. This will help you in your goal setting and developing your affirmations.
  2. This will also help you to begin to incorporate a new habit of generosity into your life. 

FINAL THOUGHT:

I want to leave you with this final quote:

“We must all suffer from one of two pains. The pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is that discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

—Jim Rohn

Ask yourself if you want to live with a few ounces of pain that comes with self discipline, or do you want to live with the pain of regret that feels like a ton?

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com. 

Developing a Winning Mindset Episode 4: Tool #2–Visualize Your Way to a Better Life!

—By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 22, 2019

“Self-confidence is the key to transformation, and transformation begins with KEEPING THE PROMISES YOU MAKE TO YOURSELF!”

—Ed Mylett

“What you think about you bring about.”

—Bob Proctor

“A confused mind will always say no.”

—Russell Brunson 

Dreams, Vision, Goals, Action, and Affirmations!

Okay, everyone who completed the action step I assigned you two episodes ago, it’s time to pull out what you wrote. If you haven’t already completed the exercise, or don’t know what I’m talking about, then go to episode 2 in this series and review it to get directions on what to do. Tonight is directly related to what you wrote about. 

All too often I hear people use the terms Dreams, Vision, and Goals interchangeably as though they each meant one and the same thing. Confusion about these can lead to becoming paralyzed in determining your best course of action 

So what’s the actual difference between these terms? And just how important is it that you understand this difference?

Dreams are WHAT you want and desire in your life, external to yourself. For example, a happy marriage, children, a nice home, nice vehicles, a great career, your own business, friends, wealth, travel, etc. All these things are external. They cannot be absorbed into your being. They are the trappings of life and what you want your life to look like.

Vision is completely internal in nature. Vision is WHO you want to become. Who you want to be known as. For example, a philanthropist, a community leader, a leader of leaders, etc. If you looked up and read The Dash poem that I recommended in the previous episode, vision is directly related to the dash in your life. In case you haven’t had a chance to look up The Dash poem, I attached an image of it at the beginning of this post.

Goals are the specific steps required to achieve your Dreams and Vision. They are the target at which you are shooting. The more specific and clear the steps, the better aim you will have to hit the bullseye. Goals should be identified at the daily, weekly, monthly, annual, 5 year, and 10 year levels. Goals should be clear, specific, and detailed. Specialized knowledge may be required in order to determine the steps and tools you will need to make your goals and vision a reality. But remember, specialized knowledge is acquired by learning what others did to achieve similar goals and vision to yours. In other words, find someone who has already successfully walked the path you are wanting to walk and find out what they did to become successful. 

Examples: Want to lose weight? Find someone who has successful lost weight and kept it off. Want to start a business? Find someone who successfully started the type of business you want to start and find out what they did to succeed. Want to tone your muscles or body build? Find someone who has already achieved what you want and find out how they did it.

Action is simply the implementation of identified goals. However, to be 💯% clear in knowledge WITHOUT taking the sustained action to implement that knowledge is 💯% useless, a complete waste of time and money. Knowledge + Sustained Action = Success.

Without clear dreams and vision, it is impossible to identify appropriate Goals, because there is no firm foundation on which to identify the goals. Without clear, specific, and detailed goals, you’ll forever spin your wheels in the mud and your dreams and vision will remain elusive and unattainable. 

So let me ask you this, have you had dreams that you have never been able to realize? Do you often feel like you’re just spinning your wheels, wasting your time drifting through life with no control over your life? Remember, in order to reach a destination you must first know where it is you are headed and then determine the best route to take. Without a specific destination, you cannot determine a route. You will zigzag your way to nowhere. 

Affirmations help keep you focused on your end goal once you’ve established what it is you want to accomplish and what it will take to reach your goal. But affirmations aren’t going to be effective if you don’t even believe you are capable of achieving your goal. The most effective way to phrase your affirmations is with ‘I am committed to’ statements, and then follow them up with a specific, measurable action, your ideal result, and a time frame. So, according to the book Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod (one of the books I recommended in the previous episode) the best affirmation formula is “I am committed to doing ________ NO MATTER WHAT so that I can ________ by ________.”

Here’s an example—something that I am committing to:

“I am committed to drinking 2 healthy meal shakes and one colorful healthy meal every day, and committed to doing 30 minutes of exercise every day NO MATTER WHAT so that I can lose 20 pounds by December 31st.”

I will say this every day moving forward. As I say this, I am now programming my subconscious mind to do what I need to do to achieve the result I want, by the time I want to achieve it. I am reinforcing my level of NO MATTER WHAT commitment. With daily repetition, that is how affirmations can transform your mindset, thinking, and RESULTS.

QUESTION:

Do you want your life to once and forever change in a big way? Then, you must get laser focused on developing your Dreams, Vision, and Goals. But, most importantly, get ready to take MASSIVE Action to implement your goals! It’s time to fully realize your Dreams and your Vision! A made-up mind is powerful. Nothing can defeat a made-up mind!

ACTION STEP: Now that you have a better idea what dreams, vision, and goals are, I want you to pull out what you wrote about all the things you’ve wanted to do throughout your life. That was an exercise to start the juices flowing for this exercise. Look through your list. As you read through it, does something stand out as moving you? Something that causes you to feel light or excited? Something that to this day if you had the opportunity to do it, you’d do whatever it takes to achieve it. If nothing on your page is something you could see yourself doing for the rest of your life (given the opportunity), then you will need to dig even deeper to identify that one thing you would like to achieve. This exercise will help you.

In a notebook, or on several pieces of paper, I want you to write at the top of the page the heading “Long Range Goals”. Then I want you to answer the question “What do I want within the next one to ten years.” Set a timer for 10 to 15 minutes and start writing. Here’s some questions to help get you started:

1. What do I want to do? 

2. What do I want to be? 

3. What do I want to see? 

4. What do I want to have? 

5. Where do I want to go? 

6. What would I like to share?

Once your timer goes off, the next thing to do will be to place beside each item on your list a timeframe for how long you believe it will take to achieve it. For example 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years. 

Now, check to see if your goals are in balance. For example, if you find that you have lots of ten-year goals but very few one-year goals, this could mean you’re putting off having to act now by postponing the target date. On the other hand, if you have very few long-term goals, perhaps you haven’t yet decided what kind of life you want to build over the long run.

Now choose what you believe are the top 2 or 3 that are most important to you out of each time category.

Lastly, for each, write a short paragraph which includes the following: 

1. A detailed description of what you want. Be very detailed—remember the detail requires for building a house that I described 2 episodes ago?

2. The reason why you want to achieve or acquire the item described. Here you’ll find out if you really want it or if it’s just a passing fancy. If you can’t come up with a clear and convincing reason for why you want it, you should categorize this item as a whim, not as a true goal, and replace it with something else. Remember my description of why the single mom wanted to complete her education several episodes ago? She had an extremely powerful why that propelled her along her path and kept her focused on her end goal even when times got really tough.

You see, what you want is a powerful motivator only if there is a good reason behind it. You may find that some goals you once considered important no longer have appeal simply because you are unable to find a good enough reason for wanting them. That’s okay. Doing this assignment causes you to reflect, refine, and revise. And that’s the whole point behind it, to help you plan your future.

SUMMARY:

The last chapter of your life hasn’t been written yet. It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday, or how many times you’ve already failed, it only matters what you do next, and next, and next! The past got you where you are now, but what you do next is what will get you to where you’re going next. Decide where you want to go, then take the next step toward that destination. And remember, in order to not become discouraged when you feel your progress is slow, you will need to keep the end goal in mind. Don’t dwell on how far you still have to go. Instead celebrate how far you’ve already come! Progress is still progress even when it’s slow!

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com. 

Developing a Winning Mindset Episode 3: What’s on Your Mind? The #1 Tool to Improving Your Mind!

—By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 21, 2019

“Whatever you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.”

—Robin S. Sharma

It’s a simple, well-known, universal truth that whatever you put your focus on grows, and whatever you neglect withers and dies. In our last episode, we talked about the 10 foundational principals that are necessary to understand and implement in order to develop a winning mindset. Today we are going to talk about one of the very real tools you can use to begin to actually refocus your thoughts. 

In the last episode, I gave you an action step to write for 10-20 minutes uninterrupted as many things as you could remember about the many things you have wanted to do with your life starting with when you were young and moving forward to the present day. If you haven’t already done that exercise, please take some time today to do that. It’s actually a pretty important exercise. In the next episode I will talk more specifically about why that exercise is so important. 

For now let’s talk about a very practical step that you can begin to implement right now, this very moment, to begin the process of developing a winning mindset. I’m going to tell you a secret right now. Please don’t share this with anyone else, because if this got out, thousands, if not millions, of people would be hopping in board and the ride might get a bit crowded. So what is this secret tool I speak of? For it to be so incredibly powerful, it must be really hard to do and difficult to implement in an already busy life? After all, if it were easy, everyone would already be doing it, right? Okay, okay, here’s the secret tool: If you’re watching this video, or reading the transcript of this video, you’ve already begun to implement today’s tool without even realizing it! The secret tool is simply reading books by and listening to uplifting, motivational speakers who have walked in your shoes and have found the path to improving their lot in life. 

What? I know, you’re right. Sounds waaaaaaaaay too easy! 

When you think about people like Warren Buffet, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk or any number of other highly successful people, you might think there’s no way they have time to sit and read with their obviously incredibly busy schedules. But if you listen to interviews with these people and they are asked what are the top things they do to ensure they stay successful, every single one of them has one answer in common—they read every single day, not for pleasure or entertainment, but to improve and expand their minds. These examples aren’t isolated. A study of 1,200 wealthy people found that they all have reading as a pastime in common. And they don’t read just anything. They are highly selective about what they read, opting to be educated over being entertained. They believe that books are a gateway to learning and knowledge.

In fact, there is a notable difference between the reading habits of the wealthy and the not-so-wealthy. According to Tom Corley, author of Rich Habits: The Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals, rich people (who,are defined as having an annual income of $160,000 or more and a liquid net worth of $3.2 million-plus) read for self-improvement, education, and success. Whereas poor people (being defined as having an annual income of $35,000 or less and a liquid net worth of $5,000 or less) read primarily to be entertained.

So, if reading is a key part of their success, maybe it’s an important factor in the process of developing a winning mindset? Take a look at your bookshelves and/or your e-books. Ask yourself what type of books you primarily read. If you find you are filling your mind with purely entertainment type books, I would challenge you to begin to incorporate something that is focused on improving your mind in some way. You don’t have to eliminate your entertaining books, but beginning to insert books focused on self improvement will improve your mindset. And isn’t that what this is all about? 

If you don’t already have a habit of reading, then I would encourage you to start small and slowly increase the amount you read daily to a level that works well for you. That’s going to be different for everyone. Start with 15 to 30 minutes a day to begin. As I talked about in the first episode of this series, as you consistently practice a new behavior you will begin to incorporate a new habit into your life. Within a relatively short period of time this new behavior will become something you actually look forward to. It will become something you don’t have to actively think to remember to do, it will become automatic. But, remember that everyone is different so don’t get hung up on how long it takes to develop this new habit into something that is automatic for you.

Okay, now that we understand the importance of daily reading to improve and focus our minds, and we know how to begin to implement this new behavior into our lives, what books should you be reading? If you are clueless about what book to start with, I’ve got you covered. Here’s a list of some of my top 20 recommended must reads and audios/videos for anyone who is desirous of improving their mindset, changing their focus, and improving their life. This is not an exhaustive list by any means, but it’s a great place to begin.

  1. The Richest Man In Babylon, by George S. Clason
  2. How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie
  3. Think and Grow Rick, by Napoleon Hill
  4. The Dash Poem, by Linda Ellis
  5. Rich Dad, Poor Dad, by Robert Kiyosaki
  6. Awaken the Giant Within, by Anthony Robbins 
  7. The 10X Rule, by Grant Cardone
  8. Anything ever written or recorded by Jim Rohn 
  9. Anything ever written or recorded by Zig Ziglar
  10. Anything ever written or recorded by Les Brown 
  11. Find Your Why, by Simon Sinek
  12. One Word That Will Change Your Life, by Jon Gordon, et al.
  13. The Compound Effect, by Darren Hardy
  14. The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey
  15. The Power of Focus, by Jack Canfield, et al.
  16. The Success Principals, by Jack Canfield
  17. The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod 
  18. Switch On Your Brain, by Dr. Caroline Leaf
  19. Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer
  20. #Maxout Your Life, by Ed Mylett

ACTION STEP: Choose just one of the above mentioned books or audios and begin reading or listening to it. Some of these books/audios you can find for free online, others you will have to purchase, and virtually all will be available at your local library. All will make a significant deposit into your mindset reservoir and help move you toward your ultimate goal, whatever that goal may be. Once you’ve made your choice, drop a comment below and let’s follow up in a few days or a week to talk about what you learned.

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com. 

Developing a Winning Mindset Episode 2: Think and Grow Rich?

—By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 20, 2019

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.”

—Napoleon Hill

In our last episode, we talked about bankrupt mindsets and stinkin’ thinking. Today, let’s start delving into practical steps you can take to changing a mindset that keeps you down and transforming it into a winning mindset that moves you toward your desired goals.  

In a previous video I spoke about author Napoleon Hill and his classic book “Think and Grow Rich.” I have to admit, when I first heard of this guy—a long, long time ago—my first thought was, “He’s got to be one of those nut cases who thinks he can scam the world into thinking all they have to do is think their way to wealth and prosperity.” In a way, I wasn’t far off the path. Where I did miss the mark though was that he wasn’t a nut case. He was profoundly insightful. So much so, that I now highly recommend the book as an absolute must read for anyone who wants to succeed in life and/or business. While the ways he says things are a bit archaic for today’s ways of talking and writing, the principals that he laid out in the book are spot on. He hit the bullseye squarely in the center. Mr. Hill’s principals are the very foundation of some of the most influential and successful entrepreneurs and professional business people in the world. People like Jim Rohn, Ed Mylett, Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, and so many others. 

For the sake of clear understanding, I will use the language of today to share these principals with you. These principals will lay the foundation for the remainder of this 7-day series on Developing a Winning Mindset. 

10 Foundational Principals to Think and Grow Rich

  1. Unwavering Desire. Without a desire to become better than we are, the chances of becoming better are almost non-existent. Simply “wanting” or “wishing” for things to be better will not result in things actually getting better. A gut-deep, unwavering desire is what is required for someone or something to get better. Why? Because desire fuels the fire to move someone from simply wishing about something into actively doing whatever is necessary to achieving that which they desire. In this series, we are talking about developing a winning mindset. If your mindset has previously, or currently, been focused on what you lack, you will subconsciously attract more lack into your life. A poor mindset will keep you frozen in place resulting in an assurance of never reaching your desired goal. When your mindset is focused on the presence or addition of something in your life, an unwavering desire will push you out of your comfort zone into an active state of doing whatever is necessary to obtain that which you seek. Think of a poor mindset as someone who apathetically moves through life allowing circumstances and others to dictate the quality of their life. Think of a winning mindset as someone who says, “Damn the torpedos full speed ahead, nothing is going to stop me from accomplishing my desired goals.” Example 1: You want to buy a home, but have very limited funds and a limited credit history. It’s going to be difficult to gain approval for a mortgage to buy a new home. Not impossible, just difficult. There may be some things that you will need to accomplish prior to obtaining that approval, but you’re not sure what those things might be. You’re scared of finding out so you keep putting it off to go try to get pre-approved. Result? You don’t buy a home. Example 2: You’re a single mom and you work full time. You desperately want to improve your ability to care for your children and provide a better home for them. You look at all your options including trying to find a better job or going back to school to finish your degree. You know you’re going to have to continue to work even if you go back to school, but you decide that your best opportunity to improve the lives of your kids is to sacrifice a short period of time and to go back to school. You obtain financial aid, schedule your classes at night, work full time during the day, go to school full time in the evenings, and what time you do have with your kids you do your best to have it be quality time. You spend many late nights with little sleep but in the end, you graduate and obtain a great paying job that enables you to provide the life you so desperately desired for your kids. Your kids saw the sacrifices you made and the results and as a result they gained valuable insight into the benefits of a good work ethic. You not only succeeded in achieving your goal, you achieved even more than you had dreamed of. Moral of these two examples—one person  allowed fear to overshadow their desire, resulting in their desire not being unwavering enough to overcome the obstacles in their path. The second person’s desire was so strong that they found a way around the obstacles to achieve their desired goal.
  2. Unwavering Faith. Deep desires often stem from a belief in something. When we believe in something, especially something that “could” happen, it is absolutely necessary to have faith that it’s even possible for YOU to achieve. Without faith, the first obstacle that comes along will knock you down and it will be almost impossible to get back up. In the two examples above, the first person had no faith that they could even accomplish their desired goal. The second person not only had an unwavering desire, they also had an unwavering faith that they could achieve their desired goal.
  3. Visualization. Until you can see what you want to achieve, what the end result of your labors should look like, it will be difficult to achieve your goal. Why? Because you have no target at which to shoot. You must know what you are wanting to achieve in order to be able to go for it. For example, if you want to build a vacation home, you must first describe in detail to an architect what your house will look like. The size of the rooms, the shape of the roof, whether it will have a porch or a sun room. How many bedrooms. How many bathrooms. Will it have a basement, or an upstairs. Will it have a garage, and how big it should be. Will there be extra room for a work area. What kind of kitchen do you want, and what appliances you will want in it. What color the walls will be, whether smooth or textured paint. Any accent walls? What kind of light fixtures you want and where you want them located. How many outlets, and where to locate them. What style of doors do you want. What kind of siding do you want—will it be a standard vinyl siding or will it be low maintenance LP Smart siding. Will you have a shingled roof or a metal roof or some other kind of roof. What style windows do you want and how energy efficient. The list goes on and on. Once the architect clearly understands what you want, only then can they draw up the actual blueprints. Then, there are so many other things that are involved with the successful completion of building that house as you are wanting it to be built and within the timeframe you want it built. Once the home is complete, the end result and whether it accomplishes what you were wanting is 100% dependent on your initial visualization of that home and how detailed you were in visualizing the minute details of the house. The same is true for anything you want to accomplish in your life. You must first visualize what it is you want, including the minute details. Then you should regularly visualize your goal(s) so that you do not lose site of your target. The more you continue to visualize the more your mind will begin to work the details out about how to accomplish that goal.
  4. Specialized Knowledge. Once you know your goal in detail, it will become evident what knowledge you may be lacking in to accomplish your goal. By either gaining that specialized knowledge or obtaining access to someone with that specialized knowledge to assist you, you can then begin to implement what is required to accomplish your goal.
  5. Imagination. When we were kids we were praised for our imaginations and ingenuity. As we began to get a bit older, many of us were taught that imagination is for young children and we were encouraged to “grow up.” As time goes by, we often lose a big part of our imagination because we were ridiculed for daydreaming and disciplined at school for not doing things in the manner we were taught regardless of whether our answers were right. Imagination slowly but surely becomes suppressed to the point where it’s almost non-existent in many people. We almost become little automatons going about our daily routines. We become creatures of habit day in and day out. To make matters worse, all the while we are slowly dying inside, we wistfully admire the Amelia Earharts, Thomas Edisons, Henry Fords, Steve Jobs, Elon Musks and many others who have a seemingly endless supply of ideas that change the world around us for the better. We wish we had even a little of what they had, but have convinced ourselves that we just aren’t smart enough. Little do we know greatness lurks just at the back of our minds in the form of imagination. Awaken your imagination. Begin to daydream about the things that you would like. Don’t worry about whether it’s logical or how you will get what you want. Just start dreaming and imagining what would make your life fulfilled and meaningful. Use your visualization skills from above to fill in all the fine details. The more you practice imagination, the more open your mind will become to seeing opportunities when they present themselves to you—the opportunities that will help you move closer to what you are visualizing.
  6. Organized Planning. This is the part where once you have clearly visualized the end goal, you can begin to figure out the steps necessary to reach your goal. Here’s the thing you really need to know and be prepared for ahead of time. If you are not ready for this, you will not reach your desired goal. Here’s what you need to know—YOU WILL HAVE MISSTEPS ALONG THE WAY. You will begin one plan of action, and discover that you missed something vital in your plan. THAT IS OKAY.  As Thomas Edison so famously said about his repeated failures in developing the lightbulb, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. … Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing wrong until you find the right way to do it. Just know that you will often have to tweak your plan, and sometimes even have to start all over again from scratch. But that’s okay. Keep going. Never give up. Keep on until … until you succeed.
  7. Decisions. Allowing yourself to become paralyzed in the decision making process is the number one cause of failure. Procrastination kills! Think of a time when either you or someone you know was in a car accident or near accident. You often have only a split second to make a decision on how to react to lessen the potential danger of harm or death. There is no time to procrastinate, if you do then you will very likely become seriously injured or even killed. Those who succeed have learned the art of making prompt decisions based on known facts, and then being slow to change their minds only when something has been proven to not work. Dedication to a decision is vital to achieving a goal. Too often people who fail will make decisions, but then not be dedicated to their decision. At the first sign of resistance, they chuck their original decision out the window and give up never realizing that their success was just around the corner.
  8. Mentorship and Coaching. This is something that I cannot speak enough of. They say that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with—our intimate circle of influence. If we are spending most of our time around criminals, we will most likely become a criminal. If we spend most of our time around negative people, we will most likely become very negative and toxic to be round. If we spend most of our time around people who have no real ambition in life but to work, pay the bills, spend a bit of time with the family, and repeat the next day, then we will live an average life of mediocrity. If we spend most of our time around positive and uplifting people, we will become positive and uplifting. If we spend our time around primarily successful and ambitious people, we will become successful and ambitious. But here’s the really cool thing about this phenomena. I’m sure you’ve all heard about a kid that grew up in a poor neighborhood, surrounded by gangs, had everything against them in life, should have ended up either in prison at a young age or dead on the side of the street, and yet somehow that kid grew up to be a successful and highly contributing member of his community. Why did that kid succeed when they were surrounded by so many people and things that should have made him or her a failure? In virtually every instance that kid had someone or something that interrupted the natural progression of their life. Either an event that shocked their very core to take action to change, or an individual that somehow inserted enough influence to change the very course of their life. That individual is very like a mentor. A mentor is someone who has already been where you are wanting to go (that’s VERY important) and who is willing to act as a kind of guide, sounding board, accountability person, and someone who you’ve given permission to challenge you to be the best you can be and to call you out when you’re letting yourself down. It’s not the mentor’s job to do the work for you. In fact for a mentor relationship to work, YOU must be willing to be coachable. Being coachable means, when your mentor or coach gives you an assignment, it’s not optional as to whether or not you’ll do it. You do it, period. Your assignments will often take you out of your comfort zone and make you uncomfortable, but that’s exactly how you grow. If you’re not willing to put the work in and complete the assignments given to you , then you are not yet ready and not yet coachable. This also means, that you are not yet ready to do whatever is necessary to achieve your desired goal aka a lack of unwavering desire and a lack of unwavering faith.
  9. Subconscious Mind & Affirmations. In an earlier video, I talked about affirmations and beliefs. I talked about how to develop affirmations, and talked about the importance of speaking your affirmations daily without fail. I won’t go into great detail here (go watch that video at this link if you want more detail – https://youtu.be/anqhw5X-OdM), but I will say this. The more you speak your affirmations out loud every single day without fail, the more you are implanting into your subconscious mind those things that you most desire in your life. The more your subconscious mind knows those desires, the more your subconscious mind can begin to work on solutions for making your affirmations a reality in your life. As your subconscious mind works out the details, you will find yourself more and more doing things that will move your toward your desired goal.
  10. Outwitting Fear. We have absolute control of our thoughts. Our enemies are indecision, doubt, and fear. Indecision breeds doubt, and the two together give birth to fear. By controlling our thoughts, we control our destiny. So last year some of you may have been witness to a challenge that I set for myself in overcoming fear. I was absolutely terrified but I had an unwavering desire to overcome my fear, an unwavering faith that I could achieve my goal, and was absolutely willing to do what was necessary to overcome that fear. What was the fear? Heights! For almost my entire life, heights have absolutely terrified me. I would be come faint and dizzy. The ground would literally breathe at me in certain situations. I could rarely go out on a balcony on floors higher than 2 or 3 stories. Ladders were a nightmare of unsteadiness for me. Ferris wheels were completely off limits to me as the last time I got on one (in high school) I was screaming at the ride operator before I even reached the top the first time. He had to make a special stop to let me off because I was in danger of throwing myself off the damn ride out of sheer terror. As a result, I was missing out on so many incredible adventures and sites. Well last year I pledged on Facebook live that I was going to do something about overcoming my fear—that something was to zip line at the Grand Canyon. Not only did I follow through, I also video taped and posted the video for the world to see. Outcome? I now want to zip line Niagra Falls next! I stood out on one of the outcroppings at the Grand Canyon and was mesmerized by the view. And I stood at the edge of Mount Precipice in Israel this past spring. I still have a healthy respect for heights and definitely take care (there are even a few things I still will not do, like that damn open air ferris wheel) but the paralyzing fear has receded into my rear view mirror. And if I do feel that fear, I now have experience that tells me that I did it once before and I can do it again. Each time I do it again, it gets easier and more exhilarating. The same is true for overcoming most fears. After all, most F.E.A.R. is simply False Evidence Appearing Real. 

ACTION STEP: If you’re feeling stuck in life, or moving in a direction that you believe is not helpful, or maybe you feel like life is good but it could be better, then I encourage you to sit down and write for 10-20 minutes without interruption. Make sure you are in a location with the least amount of distractions. Turn your phone off. Tell everyone in your family that unless the house is literally burning down around you to leave you alone for just a little while. For those 10-20 minutes I want you to practice opening your mind to your heart. That may be scary for some of you—I know it was very scary for me the first time I did this. What to write about? Think back to when life was less complicated, for many that will be when they were quite a bit younger. Think about and write about the things you used to want to do with your life, no matter how silly those desires seem to you now write them down, as many as you can remember. Write down anything you wanted to do as you began to get a bit older. Keep moving forward in your life in your mind and on the paper. Continue to write the things you have wanted to do throughout your life. For now, don’t second guess what you write or whether you feel what you wanted was realistic or not, just remember and write. 

We will revisit what you write in an upcoming video, so hang on to what you write. Keep it in a safe place. Put a date on that list. You won’t want to miss the next episode, as I will focus on one very practical tools that all the most highly successful people in the world use. 

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com. 

Developing a Winning Mindset Episode 1: Do you Have a Bankrupt Mindset?

—By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 19, 2019

“You can’t see the picture if you’re in the frame.”

—Jason Nemes, Herbalife Independent Distributor President’s Team

We were not placed on this Earth to work, pay bills, and die. In this world you are either working to build your dream or someone else’s dream. Which one are you building?  

For more than three decades I was building other people’s dreams. I was getting up in the morning, going to work, coming home, paying my bills, spending a little bit of time with my family—when I had the energy, going to bed, and setting the repeat button for the next day. It’s what I was taught I was supposed to do. It’s what society tells us we are supposed to do. But, was it the best or right way to live?

I had what’s called a “scarcity mindset” rather than an “abundance mindset.” I was always focused on what I didn’t have, couldn’t afford, and couldn’t do rather than being grateful for those things I did have, could afford, and could do. I was constantly comparing myself and my failures to those who I felt were achieving and exceeding their dreams. I  believed I was going to be the one who was going to die and my tombstone would simply read, “She had great potential.” 

Fear was the driving force in virtually all my decisions. Fear of failure. Fear of losing everything. Fear of how I would look in the eyes of others. Fear of being hurt. Fear of being taken advantage of. Fear of … well, you name it, I probably feared it. As a result, I rarely had enough money to do nice things for my kids, and rarely got to do the one thing that I love to do the most, travel. I struggled to pay my bills, even my basic living expenses, not necessarily because I did not have enough money, but rather primarily because I had never become financially literate in how to use my money wisely to accomplish my goals. I passed on many opportunities throughout those 30 years that would have helped me reach many of my dreams and goals in life, because of my deep-seated fears. As a result I was stuck in survival mode in an attempt to simply exist without drama or great pain, never realizing that I was slowly but surely dying on the inside.

Fast forward to today. Life has done a 180 degree turn. I have completely changed the direction of my life. Instead of standing still and doing nothing, I am now walking and often running toward that for which I was placed on this Earth to do. Fear still sometimes lurks in the shadows, but those shadows are becoming less visible in my peripheral view. The deeply engrained fears have not been completely eradicated, but they have been set aside and their hold on my mind and actions is less and less a factor with each passing day. Fear no longer dictates my decisions. Fear no longer stops me from living. Life is full and rich and filled with vibrant colors. 

Have I reached my desired goals yet? Some of them, yes. Many of them, no. The difference is that I am now actively moving toward my goals. Where once I had no hope of attaining my dreams, I now know without a doubt that so long as I keep doing the things necessary to reach my goals, despite how I feel or the obstacles that may step into my path along the way, I will reach my desired goals. 

So what’s the difference between the me of yesterday and the me of today? Mindset. The me of yesterday had a bankrupt mindset with no reserves from which to draw. The me of today has a mindset into which I make daily deposit, the interest on which compounds daily.

In the past I had no confidence. Because I had no confidence, I was filled with fear of taking action. Because I rarely if ever took action, I remained stuck in a downward spiral of mediocrity and despair. Today, I have a clarity of purpose which has created confidence in me. That confidence has moved me to take action—doing those things that will move me toward my goals. The more action I take, the greater momentum I build, which moves me toward my goals at greater and greater speed. 

The road I traveled to get to where I am today was not a straight road. It had many hair-pin curves, deep valleys which were difficult to climb out of, hills that sometimes appeared insurmountable, and both minor and major fender benders that brought me to temporary halts in my journey. Sometimes, I took wrong turns which landed me places I did not want to be, and sometimes I got lost and had great difficulty finding a way back to my path. 

So what is this mindset thing I refer to? Mindset is simply that which you focus on. Whatever we focus on the most is what will manifest in our daily lives. If we constantly focus on, “Don’t forget my sunglasses,” we are most likely going to forget our sunglasses. But if we focus on, “Remember to take my sunglasses,” we will most likely remember our sunglasses. Subtle change in focus, completely different outcome. If we constantly focus on what we don’t have, can’t afford, and don’t want, then guess what … that’s exactly what we end up with. But if we focus on what we do want, what we do have, and what we can afford, amazing things can happen. 

Developing a winning mindset takes practice. By practicing a winning mindset, we develop a new habit that will eventually become automatic. Research indicates it takes at least two months to create a new habit or replace an old one. Everyone is different, and how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on someone’s behavior, the person, and their circumstances. If you want to set your expectations so that you don’t get discouraged along the way, then know that it will probably take you at least two to eight months to create a new behavior that becomes automatic. If you have had what I call “stinkin’ thinking” for a long time, don’t expect it to be replaced overnight. It will take … discipline … to develop a new way of thinking. It will take much practice to implement the new thought patterns so that they become your default mode of thinking.

There’s a saying in the world of personal development that says, “Either you run your day or the day runs you.” Let’s take that a step further and switch that up just a bit. “Either you tell your mind what to think, or your mind will tell you how to think.” Humans are naturally drawn to the negative, chaotic, and traumatic things in life. Have you ever driven down a highway and almost had an accident because you were rubber necking to see the horrific accident on the side of the road? Yes, we are drawn to the negative things in life very naturally. As a result, we often live negative and chaotic lives which are susceptible to the infiltration of trauma. Fear seems to dominate everything. But there is a solution. But for things to get better, we must first become better. And for things to change, we must first change.

I no longer dread the alarm clock going off in the mornings. In fact I look forward to what the next day has in store for me. Everyday I wake up means that I still have a purpose to fulfill in this world. Every day I wake up gives me a new day to start over, hit the reset button from the day before, and another opportunity for me to run my day.

Over these next six episodes, we are going to dive deep into how to overcome our past or current “stinkin’ thinking” and the steps you can take to develop a winning mindset. We’ll discuss very practical strategies that will help you refocus your mind so that you can finally achieve that for which you were placed on this Earth to achieve. Yes, it’s very possible to completely change your life one thought and one action at a time!

Your greatness is just on the other side of your fear. What is it that you’re afraid of? Do whatever it takes to get on the other side of your fear.

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com. 

Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation vs. Restoration vs. Trust

Forgiveness is getting your heart right with God. Reconciliation is getting your heart right with another person. Restoration is when both parties do what it takes to bring back together something that was broken. Restoration and reconciliation have a number of levels to each. To reconcile can be as simple as becoming civil with each other all the way up to the full restoration of a relationship. Forgiveness also does not mean that the offending party has or will apologize or that the broken trust can or will be restored. 

Forgiveness is unilateral – it requires no action on the part of the offending party. It’s a matter of getting your heart right with God, relinquishing your bitterness, anger and/or hatred (your feelings will eventually catch up to your choice to forgive). You step out of the way of God and allow God to deal with the heart if the offending party.

Reconciliation requires at least two parties – you and the offending party. It requires each party to choose to heal a broken relationship to whatever level is possible and appropriate. Reconciliation requires an offending party to acknowledge their offensive behavior. As described above, reconciliation can be as simple as becoming civil once again, to becoming friends once again, all the way up to a fully restored relationship.

I’ve often heard it said that if you forgive someone, you must trust them again. This is false. Because forgiveness is unilateral, it does not require an offending party to do anything (like apologize), and it is primarily between you and God, forgiveness therefor does not mean that you once again trust an offending party or that you will be reconciled with them at any level. 

Trust is earned. Depending on the degree at which trust has been violated/betrayed, it may take a long time to earn any level of trust back, if any. An offending party should never expect instant trust simply because they have “apologized”. Actions that support that apology will determine the truthfulness of any apology. Any strings attached to an apology will reveal that the apology is not sincere and trust will not be restored. 

A wolf in sheep’s clothing (aka an insincere apology) is still a wolf no matter how that wolf tries to dress themselves up. One need only rip the facade off to reveal the true nature of the wolf below.