By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 6, 2025
In a healthy world, abuse would never happen. But even in a less-than-perfect world, we would hope that when abuse occurs—whether emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, or psychological—the victims would be believed, supported, and protected.
Unfortunately, that’s not always what happens.
Far too often, those who commit abuse have become disturbingly skilled at flipping the script—casting themselves as misunderstood or persecuted, while portraying their victims as unstable, manipulative, or even dangerous. This tactic, known as weaponized victimhood, isn’t just emotionally damaging. It’s a calculated strategy used to discredit truth-tellers and preserve abusive power.
A Personal Experience—Then and Now
I’ve lived this reality more than once.
Years ago, my family experienced deep trauma at the hands of my now ex-spouse. After he was arrested for crimes committed against us, the re-victimization began—not from him, but from those who should have stood by our side.
At the time, he was a respected figure in our church. Though he never publicly denied his actions, he carefully curated a narrative of repentance and misunderstanding. And the church bought it. No one reached out to check on the children or me. The pastor blamed us, calling the children “exaggerators” and urging me to forgive and reconcile. Their priority wasn’t truth or healing—it was image control, hierarchy, and a warped sense of Biblical loyalty. They mistook performative remorse for genuine repentance and enabled him to manipulate the community further.
It didn’t stop there. Certain school staff—teachers, administrators, and even a nurse—responded to my children’s trauma not with support, but suspicion. Rather than protecting and believing them, they questioned their credibility and scrutinized their behavior. In doing so, they handed the abuser exactly what he wanted: control over the narrative and further isolation of his victims.
But we were lucky in one critical way: law enforcement and the courts never wavered. They believed us. They acted. And our closest friends and family—some of whom remain in our lives today—stood with us through the fire. The justice system, though imperfect and plagued by insufficient penalties for crimes against children, at least recognized the truth.
Unfortunately, this is not the norm.
The Broader Pattern
Today, I’m watching a familiar pattern unfold again—this time in my own community.
I’ve become the target of a public, coordinated smear campaign led by individuals who disagree with my politics and advocacy. They have used fake social media accounts, public defamation, and manipulative messaging to discredit me—mirroring the very tactics I’ve seen abusers use time and again.
And at the center of this campaign is someone with a deeply troubling pattern of behavior—someone who has become adept at weaponizing their own narrative. I’ve seen them cry in the right rooms, flatter the right people, and gain sympathy from those who should know better. They’ve surrounded themselves with enablers—some of whom are actively helping them attack those raising legitimate concerns. These aren’t just misguided bystanders. They are strategic actors with personal agendas.
Meanwhile, the children caught in the middle remain vulnerable—waiting for adults to put aside politics and personal comfort and choose to protect them.
Why This Works—and How to Break the Cycle
This dynamic works because many people struggle to sit with discomfort. They crave simple stories: a hero and a villain. But abuse and its aftermath are rarely simple. Abusers exploit this discomfort. They present themselves as calm, composed, and likable—while their victims may appear emotional, angry, or “too much.”
And so, the abuser is believed. The victim is dismissed.
It happens in homes, churches, schools, and even in public discourse. And now, in an age of social media and curated personas, it’s easier than ever to perform victimhood in order to escape accountability and destroy others.
So What Can We Do?
We start by recognizing the signs—not just of abuse, but of manipulation. We stop confusing performance with truth. We resist the urge to default to the person who “seems” more composed or familiar. We pay attention to patterns—because over time, patterns don’t lie.
Most importantly, we listen. Especially when the voices being dismissed belong to children.
When something doesn’t sit right in your gut—trust your gut. Don’t look away.
If You See Something, Say Something
If you’ve tried to speak out and found yourself painted as the aggressor, you are not alone. This tactic is old—but that doesn’t make it any less dangerous.
You can help by taking responsible action:
- Listen carefully to those who raise concerns—even if their emotions make you uncomfortable.
- Ask hard questions when something doesn’t add up, especially if a pattern of troubling behavior or inconsistent storytelling emerges.
- Speak up—not recklessly, but responsibly.
- Report abuse or neglect, especially when children are involved.
This isn’t about vendettas or disagreements. It’s about protecting the vulnerable.
If Something Feels Wrong, Trust Your Gut.
Children can’t always speak up—but you can. You can be their voice.
If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Say something. Make a report—even anonymously—so children and families can be protected without you being exposed to retaliation.
In Dane County, Wisconsin, suspected abuse or neglect can be reported 24/7 to:
📞 Dane County Child Protective Services (CPS): (608) 261-5437
🌐 https://dcf.wisconsin.gov/reportabuse
Your name can remain confidential—even to the person being reported.
Together, we can create a safer, more accountable community—one voice at a time.
Musings By Rebecca 