For those who still believe in community, even when it’s hard.
By: Rebecca Witherspoon, July 1, 2025
We’ve been told a so many lies over the years including that empathy requires agreement. That to treat someone with kindness, we must also see the world exactly as they do. That to make room for someone’s story, we have to downplay our own. But that’s not empathy. That’s erasure.
Empathy doesn’t mean endorsement. It means being able to sit across from someone, even someone who’s hurt or disappointed you, and say. “I still see your humanity.” It’s not about giving people a pass. It’s about refusing to become hardened in the ways they may have been. It’s about staying open and ready for dialogue, even when it would be easier to retreat behind justified anger.
If we’re honest, anger can feel like armor. It’s sharp, protective, and quick to justify itself. But empathy? Empathy can leave us feeling vulnerable. It requires listening without immediately rebutting. It asks us to set aside our immediate need to be right long enough to understand what’s real. Not just what’s said, but what’s underneath what’s being said.
That doesn’t mean letting go of your boundaries. In fact, boundaries are what make empathy sustainable. You can offer compassion without erasing the truth. You can listen without abandoning your values. You can love your neighbor while still naming harm when it occurs.
This is especially true in small communities, where tensions can run deep, disagreements often feel personal, and those disagreements can become public really fast. We can sometimes feel pressured to choose between staying loyal to those with whom we agree or fear being labeled disloyal for reaching out to who have disagreed with us to better understand each other. But real community isn’t based on agreement. Everything is rooted in relationship. And being in relationship asks us to stay present with one another, even when things sometimes get uncomfortable.
That kind of presence takes courage. It means choosing not to walk away just because a conversation gets hard. It means refusing to reduce people to their worst moments or loudest opinions. Showing up doesn’t mean you agree with everything someone says. It means you care enough to keep listening. And when we keep showing up with honesty and care, even strained connections can become places where something new might grow.
But presence isn’t something you owe to everyone. Some people just refuse to be open to listening or understanding. They want control. They’ll hold on to your worst moment, refuse to seek clarity or healing, and continue to stir conflict in order to keep others watching. In those cases, you can still lead with empathy—but you also need boundaries. You can step back while still holding space for grace. You can protect your peace without shutting down your heart. It’s hard to do but it is possible.
The truth is, not every conversation is worth having. Some people aren’t interested in dialogue and will use disagreement as a weapon. They’ll cling to your worst moment while completely ignoring their own behaviors. They refuse to reflect on or be accountability for their own actions. And, they seem to thrive in fanning the flames and rallying an audience. In those cases, staying present doesn’t mean staying available or handing them the microphone. Sometimes, the most loving choice is to walk away. You don’t have to keep standing on a bridge someone else is desperately trying to burn. Real connection takes two people who are willing to meet in the middle. You were never meant to hold the whole thing up on your own.
What I’ve learned—sometimes the hard way—is that empathy doesn’t make you weak. It keeps you human. It’s what prevents you from becoming the very thing you’re pushing back against.
We don’t have to agree to find common ground. We just have to stop lighting matches, stop fueling the flames, and start turning on lights to help us see one another clearly, even in the dark. Not everyone will choose that path. But some of us already have.
And that’s where healing can begin if we remain open and willing to that healing.
Musings By Rebecca 