By: Rebecca Witherspoon
Have you experienced an extreme dread of doing something so much that you will do almost anything besides that one thing you’re dreading? That dreaded thing could even be something that you once enjoyed in the past but now you avoid like the plague. You know that dreaded thing can be good for you, and will most likely result in great things for you, but you still procrastinate to the point that it becomes a huge hurdle that you feel you just cannot get over so why even attempt to?
Yup, that’s been me for the last couple of years when it comes to stretching, walking, and exercising. But why, you might ask? Well, here’s the brief backstory to why. It’s called fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I was diagnosed with these conditions 22 years ago this coming fall. Prior to 22 years ago, I was energetic, athletic, enjoyed all things active, and my body was slim, flexible, and strong. Then life happened. Extremely stressful life. The kind of stress that can put a person into the ground kind of life. To say life kicked me on my butt (insert your chosen word for this) is an extreme understatement. My life, and my family’s life, was upended by significant trauma perpetrated on us by an unsavory source that should have been protective, nurturing, and loving. After quite a few very long years of sustained trauma, that trauma came to a sudden and crashing end. And my body began to retaliate.
Life changed dramatically for the better. But with my body having been in what I later learned was something called survival mode for an extended period, my once healthy and strong body dramatically and suddenly took a nosedive. What once I took for granted, suddenly became difficult and extremely painful. I thought I was going crazy. What the heck was wrong with me? I worked through the early pain only to end up unable to do much of anything for a week or more at a time. Why was this happening to me? I was confused, depressed, anxious, and clueless of how to fix what I found to be broken.
My doctor at the time tested me for just about everything under the sun to try to figure out what was going on, and each time the tests would come back telling me I was just fine. Nothing to worry about. And yet, I felt like I was dying a slow, painful death. Then after exhausting almost all tests that my doctor remotely thought might shed light on what was happening to me, she did what was called a pressure-point test. It was like being subjected to a sudden, extreme, and excruciating pain like you’ve been stabbed and electrocuted all at the same time. I just about slapped my doctor, but I refrained because I was in too much pain to lift my hand. After the test, she sat there for a moment and looked me in the eyes and said,
“Becky, I can now explain to you what is happening. You have a condition that is little understood, and some will try to tell you it’s all in your head, but it’s not. You’ve got something called fibromyalgia (fibro). It’s being exacerbated by something called chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). There’s no magic pill that’s going to help you. It’s a condition that seems to be brought on after sustained periods of chronic stress, or after brief but extremely traumatic events. I can place you on one of the only medications that we currently know reduces the symptoms, but it will not eliminate the pain all together. The only other things that have been shown to improve symptoms are diet and exercise. You’re going to feel like your joints are being destroyed, but the good news is that they are not. No actual damage is happening to your joints like what happens with lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. ”
I was both relieved by the diagnosis and shocked. At least now I knew it wasn’t all in my head, it had a name, and there were things that could be done to potentially relieve the worst of the symptoms. I started researching, experimenting, and learning all that I could about fibro and CFS. What I found included everything from witch doctor crazy remedies, to just giving up already, to extreme diets and exercise programs. There was virtually nothing to really help me discover the best way to deal with the pain in my everyday life. I tried diets, I tried exercise, I tried medications (only to find out that I cannot take those due to significant allergies), I tried giving up a few times, and running through the back of my mind on a pretty regular basis was the thought of driving my car into a tree to end it all. Thankfully, I never acted on the latter as I had young children who depended on me, and I just could not do that to them.
Fast forward to today. After more than 20 years of trying just about anything that showed any signs of promise, the ONLY things that I have found to actually help me are the simplest and yet the most effective remedies:
- A healthy, well-rounded diet of REAL food with targeted nutritional supplements;
- A loving and supportive family who encourages and doesn’t blame or shame me; and
- A regimen of sustained exercise that includes LOTS of stretching, yoga, walking, and strength training.
So, back to my original question at the beginning of this post/video. Prior to the beginning of the “pandemic” I was actually in a pretty good place with my health. I ate a mostly healthy diet, I was exercising regularly, and my family was incredibly supportive. My symptoms were at as low a level as they had been since I was initially diagnosed. My weight had significantly improved—did I forget to mention that weight management is a significant issue for folks with fibromyalgia? I was enjoying a mostly healthy and active lifestyle. Then the “pandemic” happened. The government closed down virtually everything. I couldn’t travel like I had previously been doing, which helped to keep me moving. I couldn’t work like I had been doing, which kept me active and mostly away from snacking. I couldn’t be around people for the most part because a lot of folks were scared someone was going to kill them by simply breathing, which resulted in an increase in depression, which resulted in me reducing and eventually eliminating my regular exercise and increasing unhealthy stress snacking, which resulted in increased weight and increased pain. Fibro creates a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to break. To begin to exercise it naturally creates some pain. With fibro, that pain can become excruciating if you do not increase the intensity of exercise at a pace that your body can accommodate without causing what is called a fibro flareup, which can put me in bed for a week or more. So, when I was not regularly exercising throughout the “pandemic” my fibro was exponentially increasing. Thus, my extreme dread of re-introducing exercise into my daily life. Fear. Unadulterated, extreme FEAR!
Aha moment. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate being controlled. When I finally recognized that I was allowing FEAR to dominate and control my actions I began to implement change. At first it was small things. Not eating that snack I was so desperately craving. Taking a 10-minute walk with my husband. Taking the stairs at work instead of the elevator. Walking around the Capital Square on my lunch hour once or twice. Walking down State Street during my lunch hour. Taking my lunch to work instead of going out to eat at lunch. As I did the little things, my body slowly began to respond. The brain fog (yep, that’s a real thing for folks with fibro) began to clear. My resolve began to improve. But, I still wasn’t actually exercising.
Enter this morning.
Yesterday, I was so disgusted with myself that I literally, in a very whiny voice, asked my amazing husband if he would be willing to get up a little earlier in the mornings and stretch and exercise with me. He said yes, and then followed through this morning. Yep! I got up, moved my sorry you know what, and did some great stretching. I must start with stretching to get my body “ready” to be able to exercise once again in the very near future.
Guess what! I did not die! I did not go into a fibro flareup (at least not at this point). I feel better today as I’m moving through my day. Just ONE morning of stretching and I already feel small but definite improvement.
So why am I sharing all this with y’all? Because I want to share with you that no matter what you are going through, no matter what your physical or mental condition, no matter what your circumstances in life, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE! You CAN move past whatever it is that’s holding you back. Warning: you will have to go THROUGH to get PAST. You cannot take an alternate path. If you try to take an alternate path, you will simply put off what must be done and potentially increase the pain that it takes to ultimately go through and get past. I’m here to encourage you and let you know there is freedom on the other side of your current pain. Just like I took the bull by the horns to overcome my extreme fear of heights, I’m taking the bull by the horns to overcome my fear of going THROUGH to get PAST my current pain. You can too.
Musings By Rebecca 