FACING YOUR DEMONS! 

—by Rebecca Witherspoon, October 17, 2021

”Lessons learned are like bridges burned, you only need to cross them but once. Is the knowledge gained worth the price of the pain? Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?” —Dan Fogelberg, Lessons Learned

Finding Purpose & Financial IQ – Part 1

You begin to gasp for air. Your tongue grows numb. You begin to sweat. You begin to tremble and shake. You begin to see either black or red in your periphery vision, and you become tunnel visioned. Your thoughts are paralyzed—you can neither tell your feet to move nor form a cogent thought. You feel like your chest is about to explode. Your body goes into fight or flight drive and you have no control over its response to the situation at hand. The one and only thought that races through your mind is ESCAPE! I must escape. 

F.E.A.R. is false evidence appearing real. It also can either be “forget everything and run” or “face everything and rise”!

We ALL have our own demons that we fight. Our own self doubts. Our own feelings of inadequacy and failure. Sometimes our demons succeed in changing us into a person we do not always recognize. Thankfully, those times don’t have to last long, but when they do occur they are painful for us to experience and for others around us to watch.

I don’t know about you, but for decades I lived in utter fear. Fear of failure (aka making a wrong decision), fear of being hurt (aka not understanding I had a choice to walk away from abuse), fear of losing everything (aka not being worthy of success), fear of heights (aka fear of falling), and fear of loneliness, not being liked, not being loved (aka not liking myself or my own company). There were other fears wrapped around my tangled ball of fear, but those were the ones that I allowed to dictate everything in my life. Notice that I said allowed! 

It took my mother, with whom I had an up and down relationship throughout my teenage and young adult life, to share with me a truth that literally changed the trajectory of my life. What is that truth you may ask?

All too often people do not realize that they have the power to CHOOSE to either allow fear to dictate (aka control) their lives OR they can CHOOSE to take personal responsibility over their response to fear. You see, no one can control another person. No matter how much you have been told, no one has the power to make you do something you do not wish or choose to do. No threat, no coercion, no manipulation, no anything can force you to do that which you do not choose to do. The same goes with what you think and believe. You, and only you, are the only one who has the power to choose what you will do, how you will think, what you will believe, and how you will respond to the fears in your life.

But Becky, I’m scared! I don’t know if I’m strong enough to overcome my fears! I don’t know how to overcome my fears. It’s just the way I am and nothing will ever change me. I’m not smart enough to change. It’s just too hard to change. I don’t even know where to begin to change. Changing is scarier than staying where I am, at least I know what to expect. Do any of those rationalizations (aka excuses) sound familiar? what excuses have you been saying over and over in your head?

Again, I hear you. I’ve been there. I’ve used all the rationalizations and I chose to continue to live in fear for decades. Yes, you heard me correctly. I CHOSE to live in fear for decades because to me it was easier and less scary than the thought of trying to overcome something I’d grown accustomed to. I was comfortable in my fear. It was a part of my very being. The drama and crises were a part of my everyday life and, while painful to experience, the mere thought of change terrified me even more.

Then my mother told me the truth at a moment in my life when the fear of change was a little less painful to me than the fear of not changing. I was finally open to hearing alternative paths to the one I was living at the time. Until that very moment in time I did not know that I even had a choice, that I could choose which path I walked, that I could choose how I responded to each and every thing that happened in my life, whether it was of my own doing or the result of someone else’s doing. 

Most people know what to do, they’ve certainly heard it time and again, but few people actually do what they know. It’s not enough to just know, one must take action on the knowledge they acquire if they want that knowledge to be effective in their life. Today, you are learning some truths about fear and how to overcome fear. What you choose to do with that knowledge will determine if (1) you continue along the same path you’re currently on, or (2) forge a new but scary and exciting path that just might take you to a destination you’ve only dreamed of.

So let’s delve into how to begin your own journey of self discovery and overcoming your own demons and fears. It all comes down to becoming the master of YOU!

According to Anthony Robbins in his book Awaken The Giant Within, which I highly recommend, there are five areas in our life that we must master if we ever want to reach the summit of our life’s goals and purpose.

1. Emotional mastery
2. Physical mastery
3. Relationship mastery
4. Financial mastery
5. Time mastery

Some questions you might want to ask yourself include:

1. Am I now where I thought I would be back when I first graduated high school? 
2. Am I now where I thought I would be back when I graduated college? (if not applicable to you, skip this question)
3. Am I now where I thought I would be 10 years ago?
4. Am I now where I thought I would be this time last year?
5. Where do I even want to be this time next year?
   1. 5 years from now? 
   2. 10 years from now?
   3. 15 years from now?
   4. 20 years from now?
   5. When I retire?
6. What do I want my retirement to look like?
7. What am I willing to do to reach my goals/vision?
8. What am I willing to sacrifice in order to reach my goals/vision?
   1. Temporarily?
   2. Permanently?
9. What am I NOT willing to sacrifice, even temporarily, to reach my goals/vision?
10. What new/different result am I seeking?

In order to obtain new or different results requires new and different actions! I’m sure you’ve heard the definition of insanity—doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Not happening!

It’s not what we do once that makes a difference, but rather what we consistently do over time that creates change—whether positive or negative. Consistently do negative actions repeatedly, your results will be negative. Consistently do positive actions repeatedly, and eventually your results will be positive.

Thoughts and decisions precede action … every … single … time … without … fail!

Actions precede results … every … single … time … without … fail!

Results are the product of action … every … single … time … without … fail!

If you don’t like the results you’re getting then change the input aka your actions. If you’re not sure what action preceded an undesired result, then work your way backward to find where and when things began to go wrong. 

Remember though that just because a decision produced an undesired result, doesn’t necessarily mean that decision (aka choice) was a bad one. It just means that it was the wrong one for the desired result you are seeking. Don’t be afraid to change a decision/choice if the desired result is not being achieved.

Remember also, that a decision/choice is not necessarily your WHY for doing something. In an earlier blog, I talked specifically about finding your why. I encourage you to visit/revisit that blog post at this time to remind yourself of exactly why your WHY is so important. It can be found here: https://musingsbyrebecca.com/2021/10/11/developing-a-winning-mindset-episode-6-tool-4-whats-your-why/. Your WHY is your top-level decision, catalyst, fuel, belief that ultimately is the foundation upon which you make all other decisions/choices. Evaluate your results all along your journey to determine if they are moving you toward your desired goal or away. If you are not moving toward your desired goal, then re-evaluate the decisions/choices that you are making to determine which ones need to be adjusted. 

The questions I suggested above to you ask yourself will help you begin to focus your mind on positive choices. It will help you take your mind off your fear and place it squarely on the road to enlightenment and mastery. Don’t allow fear to paralyze you simply because you don’t yet know exactly how to turn your dreams into reality. The how will reveal itself as you begin to master your emotions, physical body, relationships, finances, and time.

F.E.A.R. is overcome by D.A.T.A.:

1. DECIDE what you want, and what your why is.
2. Take ACTION.
3. TRACK and pay attention to your results to determine what is working and what is not working.
4. Continue to ADJUST your actions until you find what works.

Wishing and deciding are two completely different things. “I wish I could lose 25 pounds” gets you nowhere. “I will lose 25 pounds by Christmas” allows your mind to begin to determine the necessary steps (choices) required to achieve the desired goal.

Three Decisions That Control Your Destiny

1. What you decide to focus on;
2. What you decide things mean to you (aka your beliefs); and
3. What you decide to do to create the results you desire.

Success is the result of good judgment. Good judgment is the result of experience. Experience is often the result of bad judgment. Learn from your mistakes so you can use that experience to help you make better decisions that will in turn lead you to the goal you are seeking. When you make decisions/choices that are directly linked to your WHY then you must be so committed to your goal that you leave absolutely no/zero option for failure. You will keep adjusting your decisions/choices until you achieve your desired goal!

Final question to ask yourself — what will it cost you if you choose not to make changes necessary to reach your desired goal(s)? Is the cost worth the price?

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com.