Developing a Winning Mindset Episode 5: Tool #3–Discipline and Taking Responsibility

—By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 23, 2019

“Character is a quality that embodies many important traits, such as integrity, courage, perseverance, confidence and wisdom. Unlike your fingerprints that you are born with and can’t change, character is something you create within yourself and must take responsibility for changing.”

—Jim Rohn

“Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.”

—Jim Rohn

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”

—Jim Rohn

“Self-confidence is the key to transformation, and transformation begins with KEEPING THE PROMISES YOU MAKE TO YOURSELF!”

—Ed Mylett

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

—Author unknown

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

—Jim Rohn

This episode is all about self discipline and taking responsibility. I know scary and dreadful words! But it’s going to be just fine. If you haven’t already done so, read all of the quotes above before you begin this episode. They all lead us into the topic of today’s episode. Warning: today’s episode will either move you a little closer to transforming your mind, or it may cause you to get really pissed off at me and even make you want to shut off the video. … I’m actually kidding. Kind of.

All kidding aside, I do encourage you to read, watch, or listen to this entire episode multiple times with an open mind. The particular tool that I will be sharing with you is absolutely, 100% required for you to ultimately achieve a total transformation of your mindset and to once and for all finally be able to achieve all that you want to achieve in your life. 

To the best of my knowledge there has never been a single person who has risen from rags to riches by complaining, protesting, clamoring for the government to pick the pockets of someone else and put it into theirs even though they haven’t done anything. While we need to have a humane system in place in our society to help those who truly cannot help themselves and need our help, our society owes absolutely nothing to those who are able and yet refuse to work, or refuse to do their part to help themselves. So my warning above actually comes in at this point. Some folks may get a bit pissed at me saying that. But, regardless of how that statement made you feel, it is a universal truth. 

If you are in the habit of looking outside of yourself for the reasons why you haven’t achieved something you want, or for the reasons why you may have failed at something—for example, if you find yourself saying things like “the system failed me,” or “if they had only done …,” or “they forced me to do …,”—then you are in a state of denial and you are refusing to take responsibility for your own life. You may not even realize it, but subconsciously you are essentially acting as though the world owes you something, as though it owes you success without you having to do the hard work necessary to achieve that success.

It’s that kind of stinkin’ thinking mindset where this series comes in. I understand what I just said can sound harsh. But, it is truth. I’m not here to sugarcoat reality for you in order to get you to like me or to simply make you feel good. I’m here to help you interrupt your old ways of thinking, which have kept you stuck where you are right now, so that you can move from where you are or where you’ve been to where you actually want to be. I’m here to help you interrupt your habit of doing and/or thinking the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. If you keep inputting the same thing, you will keep getting the same output. Change the input, change the output!

Ultimately, whether you succeed or fail to achieve whatever it is you want to achieve is your responsibility alone. It’s not your parents’ responsibility. It’s not your spouse’ s responsibility. It’s not your friends’ responsibility. It’s not your boss’s responsibility. It’s 100% YOUR responsibility. No one can force you to take the actions that are required for you to achieve what you want to achieve.

Now that we’ve gotten all the icky, yucky, tough love stuff out of the way, let’s start looking at some very practical and very specific things you can do to ensure that you have the best opportunity to achieve your desired goals.

1. “Becoming” ALWAYS precedes “getting.” Until you “become” more than you are right now in areas like attitude, discipline, character, work ethic, and knowledge, you are unlikely to get more than you already have right at this very moment. If you do get more, it’s usually because someone else has simply given it to you. Without becoming more, you rarely get to keep what was given to you for long, and if you do lose it you won’t have the necessary skills to replace what you lost. Example: someone wins millions of dollars in the lottery. Many folks who win the lottery end up in bankruptcy only a short time later because they did not first “become” the person that they needed to be in order to keep ahold of what they won. 
2. Your attitude is a choice. Nobody forces you to have the attitude you have. While you cannot always choose what happens to you, you do have the power to choose how you respond. The quality of your response will greatly determine the quality of your life. No one and nothing can change your attitude without your consent. Your attitude is ALWAYS 100% your choice.
3. Self discipline is a choice. No one is naturally self disciplined. Self discipline is developed over time once you get clear about what it is you really want. When you decide to pay the price necessary to get what you want and you resolve to give up what ever is hindering you from on your quest. If you are not self disciplined, it’s not genetic, it’s not your parents’ fault. Rather, it’s because you have chosen, consciously or subconsciously, to go through life seeking prizes without paying the price.
4. Personal growth is a choice. It is not automatic. It does not come naturally just because you grow older. Just because you grow older doesn’t automatically mean you grow smarter. Personal growth must be intentional. You must choose to read the books that will help you grow, attend the seminars, to learn to assimilate success principles, to study the lives of successful people that you admire, and to decide how to apply what it is you have learned in your own life. If you’re not growing  then it’s because you’ve made the decision, consciously or subconsciously, not to pursue growth.
5. Character is a choice. Your character is determined by the moral qualities you have decided (aka chosen) to embrace and live out in your own life. If you lack a strong character, then you have no one to blame but yourself. It’s not your parents’ fault, your siblings’ fault, your friends’ fault, your teachers’ fault, the government’s fault, the economy’s fault, your boss’s fault. It’s your fault and no one else’s.ultimately, you get to choose what’s important to you and what’s not. Your character will develop or not in accordance with your convictions.

So, with all that said, what are some of the things you can actually do take responsibility for your life right now?

1. Stop blaming others! Just stop blaming others for whatever it is that you don’t like about your life.
2. Stop making excuses! Figure out why something is the way it is and fix it if it needs fixing.
3. Learn to love yourself. I admit this was a hard one for me. Learn to enjoy your own company! If you don’t like your thoughts, then change them so that you enjoy your own thoughts. Did you know you have the power to change your own thoughts?
4. Take a look at your typical day. What does it look like? Are you sleeping enough and is it restful? Are you eating healthy and giving your body the necessary nutrients it needs to be healthy and strong? Or are you stuffing your body full of things that are less than optimal for your health? Are you exercising regularly or are you a couch potato? Are you giving yourself some time each day to reflect, meditate, and make plans? Are you giving yourself time each day to commune with the spiritual side of yourself, whatever that may be? Are you complaining all the time, or are you being thankful? Are you taking some time to just enjoy life, doing something just because it’s fun? Are you surrounded by negative and toxic people, or are you surrounded by positive, uplifting, and encouraging people? 
5. Negative emotions are a natural part of your life. You cannot eliminate them all. But you can choose not to dwell and wallow in those negative emotions. Deal with them and move on. If you don’t, then these negative emotions will become the focus of your life, will stop your forward progress, and will dictate and control your life. Until you become willing to deal with the root cause of whatever is causing the negative feelings, you will not achieve your desired goals. You will be stopped dead in your tracks. If you cannot do this on your own then seek help to work through those feelings. 
6. Stop chasing happiness outside of yourself. Learn to become happy no matter what your circumstances. Until you can reach this level of happiness, nothing you ever achieve and no material wealth you obtain will ever be enough. When you find peace in whatever circumstance you find yourself in, that’s when life will dramatically change. It doesn’t mean you just sit and let life and circumstances be whatever they are, it just means that no matter what circumstance you find yourself in you chose to be happy and at peace.
7. Become a person of integrity and do what you say you will do! Keep your promises, especially the ones you make to yourself. Unfortunately, it’s the ones we make to ourselves that we find ourself most often breaking. 
8. Stop complaining! If you don’t like something, change it!
9. Focus on taking action. If you don’t take action then nothing will ever change!
10. Hang out with people who don’t bring you down! If some of them are folks you cannot just cut all ties with, then you may want to consider limiting contact with them. At  the very least off set their negative influence by surrounding yourself with as many other positive people as you can.

ACTION STEP:

First, have you completed any of the action steps in the previous episodes of this series? If not, go back and take some time to complete those.

Today’s action step is a bit different. It involves so,etching that is typically near and dear to people’s hearts. Money! Yikes!

Gather together the following items:

1. Go to the bank or grocery store and get four rolls of coins—either pennies, nick;es, dimes, or quarters—so that you have so,where between 200 to 400 coins. The larger the denomination, the better.
2. Get some type of clear jar that is big enough to hold all the coins, but don’t put the coins in there yet.
3. Take a pocket sized flip note pad and a pencil or pen.

Now that you have the necessary tools for this action step, here’s what you will do.

As you go throughout the next 7 days, make a mark in your note pad every single time you do any of the following things:

1. Complain
2. Blame
3. Make an excuse or justify your actions
4. Break a promise you have made either to someone else or to yourself

At the end of each day, tabulate and write down the number of marks at the bottom of each page at the end of each day. Whatever number of marks you made for that day, place that number of coins in the jar. Keep that jar in a prominent place in your home where you can see it at virtually all times.

Repeat these actions every day, starting with a new page in your note pad each day. If you find you need to get more coins at some pin t during the week, that’s okay. Just go get more. 

At the end of the 7 days, tabulate the total number of marks from the week using each day’s total. Look at that totals for each day. Look to see if you had an increase or decrease on any given day, or as the week went by was there am increase or decrease, or did your numbers stay pretty steady throughout the week? Think back and ask yourself, were you honest with yourself? Did your mark all the times you did the four things above? If you did not mark all the times, then I want you to take 2 coins for each time you failed to make your mark and place them in the jar.

Once you’ve completed the week, you are going to take those coins to a bank and get them changed into bills. The take that money and you are going to do a random act of kindness for a complete stranger. It must be a stranger. For example, pay for the order of the car behind you in the drive-thru line. Or buy a gift card and give it to a homeless person. Or make a donation to your local food bank or shelter for domestic violence, or some other worthy charity that helps folks in need. It must be a random act of kindness for a complete stranger.

PURPOSE OF EXERCISE: 

1. It will help you become aware of what’s coming out of your mouth and whether or not you are acting with integrity or being a negative/toxic person. For some folks, this is going to be very eye opening. For others it will confirm what you probably already know. And for others, it might be a pleasant surprise. No matter the outcome, it will help to identify those areas where you need to improve. This will help you in your goal setting and developing your affirmations.
2. This will also help you to begin to incorporate a new habit of generosity into your life. 

FINAL THOUGHT:

I want to leave you with this final quote:

“We must all suffer from one of two pains. The pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is that discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

—Jim Rohn

Ask yourself if you want to live with a few ounces of pain that comes with self discipline, or do you want to live with the pain of regret that feels like a ton?

Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com.