Forgiveness is getting your heart right with God. Reconciliation is getting your heart right with another person. Restoration is when both parties do what it takes to bring back together something that was broken. Restoration and reconciliation have a number of levels to each. To reconcile can be as simple as becoming civil with each other all the way up to the full restoration of a relationship. Forgiveness also does not mean that the offending party has or will apologize or that the broken trust can or will be restored.
Forgiveness is unilateral – it requires no action on the part of the offending party. It’s a matter of getting your heart right with God, relinquishing your bitterness, anger and/or hatred (your feelings will eventually catch up to your choice to forgive). You step out of the way of God and allow God to deal with the heart if the offending party.
Reconciliation requires at least two parties – you and the offending party. It requires each party to choose to heal a broken relationship to whatever level is possible and appropriate. Reconciliation requires an offending party to acknowledge their offensive behavior. As described above, reconciliation can be as simple as becoming civil once again, to becoming friends once again, all the way up to a fully restored relationship.
I’ve often heard it said that if you forgive someone, you must trust them again. This is false. Because forgiveness is unilateral, it does not require an offending party to do anything (like apologize), and it is primarily between you and God, forgiveness therefor does not mean that you once again trust an offending party or that you will be reconciled with them at any level.
Trust is earned. Depending on the degree at which trust has been violated/betrayed, it may take a long time to earn any level of trust back, if any. An offending party should never expect instant trust simply because they have “apologized”. Actions that support that apology will determine the truthfulness of any apology. Any strings attached to an apology will reveal that the apology is not sincere and trust will not be restored.
A wolf in sheep’s clothing (aka an insincere apology) is still a wolf no matter how that wolf tries to dress themselves up. One need only rip the facade off to reveal the true nature of the wolf below.
Musings By Rebecca 