—By Rebecca Witherspoon, August 19, 2019
“You can’t see the picture if you’re in the frame.”
—Jason Nemes, Herbalife Independent Distributor President’s Team
We were not placed on this Earth to work, pay bills, and die. In this world you are either working to build your dream or someone else’s dream. Which one are you building?
For more than three decades I was building other people’s dreams. I was getting up in the morning, going to work, coming home, paying my bills, spending a little bit of time with my family—when I had the energy, going to bed, and setting the repeat button for the next day. It’s what I was taught I was supposed to do. It’s what society tells us we are supposed to do. But, was it the best or right way to live?
I had what’s called a “scarcity mindset” rather than an “abundance mindset.” I was always focused on what I didn’t have, couldn’t afford, and couldn’t do rather than being grateful for those things I did have, could afford, and could do. I was constantly comparing myself and my failures to those who I felt were achieving and exceeding their dreams. I believed I was going to be the one who was going to die and my tombstone would simply read, “She had great potential.”
Fear was the driving force in virtually all my decisions. Fear of failure. Fear of losing everything. Fear of how I would look in the eyes of others. Fear of being hurt. Fear of being taken advantage of. Fear of … well, you name it, I probably feared it. As a result, I rarely had enough money to do nice things for my kids, and rarely got to do the one thing that I love to do the most, travel. I struggled to pay my bills, even my basic living expenses, not necessarily because I did not have enough money, but rather primarily because I had never become financially literate in how to use my money wisely to accomplish my goals. I passed on many opportunities throughout those 30 years that would have helped me reach many of my dreams and goals in life, because of my deep-seated fears. As a result I was stuck in survival mode in an attempt to simply exist without drama or great pain, never realizing that I was slowly but surely dying on the inside.
Fast forward to today. Life has done a 180 degree turn. I have completely changed the direction of my life. Instead of standing still and doing nothing, I am now walking and often running toward that for which I was placed on this Earth to do. Fear still sometimes lurks in the shadows, but those shadows are becoming less visible in my peripheral view. The deeply engrained fears have not been completely eradicated, but they have been set aside and their hold on my mind and actions is less and less a factor with each passing day. Fear no longer dictates my decisions. Fear no longer stops me from living. Life is full and rich and filled with vibrant colors.
Have I reached my desired goals yet? Some of them, yes. Many of them, no. The difference is that I am now actively moving toward my goals. Where once I had no hope of attaining my dreams, I now know without a doubt that so long as I keep doing the things necessary to reach my goals, despite how I feel or the obstacles that may step into my path along the way, I will reach my desired goals.
So what’s the difference between the me of yesterday and the me of today? Mindset. The me of yesterday had a bankrupt mindset with no reserves from which to draw. The me of today has a mindset into which I make daily deposit, the interest on which compounds daily.
In the past I had no confidence. Because I had no confidence, I was filled with fear of taking action. Because I rarely if ever took action, I remained stuck in a downward spiral of mediocrity and despair. Today, I have a clarity of purpose which has created confidence in me. That confidence has moved me to take action—doing those things that will move me toward my goals. The more action I take, the greater momentum I build, which moves me toward my goals at greater and greater speed.
The road I traveled to get to where I am today was not a straight road. It had many hair-pin curves, deep valleys which were difficult to climb out of, hills that sometimes appeared insurmountable, and both minor and major fender benders that brought me to temporary halts in my journey. Sometimes, I took wrong turns which landed me places I did not want to be, and sometimes I got lost and had great difficulty finding a way back to my path.
So what is this mindset thing I refer to? Mindset is simply that which you focus on. Whatever we focus on the most is what will manifest in our daily lives. If we constantly focus on, “Don’t forget my sunglasses,” we are most likely going to forget our sunglasses. But if we focus on, “Remember to take my sunglasses,” we will most likely remember our sunglasses. Subtle change in focus, completely different outcome. If we constantly focus on what we don’t have, can’t afford, and don’t want, then guess what … that’s exactly what we end up with. But if we focus on what we do want, what we do have, and what we can afford, amazing things can happen.
Developing a winning mindset takes practice. By practicing a winning mindset, we develop a new habit that will eventually become automatic. Research indicates it takes at least two months to create a new habit or replace an old one. Everyone is different, and how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on someone’s behavior, the person, and their circumstances. If you want to set your expectations so that you don’t get discouraged along the way, then know that it will probably take you at least two to eight months to create a new behavior that becomes automatic. If you have had what I call “stinkin’ thinking” for a long time, don’t expect it to be replaced overnight. It will take … discipline … to develop a new way of thinking. It will take much practice to implement the new thought patterns so that they become your default mode of thinking.
There’s a saying in the world of personal development that says, “Either you run your day or the day runs you.” Let’s take that a step further and switch that up just a bit. “Either you tell your mind what to think, or your mind will tell you how to think.” Humans are naturally drawn to the negative, chaotic, and traumatic things in life. Have you ever driven down a highway and almost had an accident because you were rubber necking to see the horrific accident on the side of the road? Yes, we are drawn to the negative things in life very naturally. As a result, we often live negative and chaotic lives which are susceptible to the infiltration of trauma. Fear seems to dominate everything. But there is a solution. But for things to get better, we must first become better. And for things to change, we must first change.
I no longer dread the alarm clock going off in the mornings. In fact I look forward to what the next day has in store for me. Everyday I wake up means that I still have a purpose to fulfill in this world. Every day I wake up gives me a new day to start over, hit the reset button from the day before, and another opportunity for me to run my day.
Over these next six episodes, we are going to dive deep into how to overcome our past or current “stinkin’ thinking” and the steps you can take to develop a winning mindset. We’ll discuss very practical strategies that will help you refocus your mind so that you can finally achieve that for which you were placed on this Earth to achieve. Yes, it’s very possible to completely change your life one thought and one action at a time!
Your greatness is just on the other side of your fear. What is it that you’re afraid of? Do whatever it takes to get on the other side of your fear.
Thank you for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. If you’re open to learning more about this and other topics that could help move you more quickly toward your desired goals, please email me at rwitherspoon608@yahoo.com.
Musings By Rebecca 